Soul Crush

It's not as good as it sounds. After a month of final like studying. I am done. yet, I'm only <3 weeks into a 8 week program.

My brain is mush.

I can't conc4ntrate.

But worst of all is the crushing feeling of defeat.

That's all -I feel- most days. Failure pressing in on all sides.

Every time I can't get something done.

Every time I put things off.

Every time I feel like I'm falling farther behind.

It is Soul crushing.

I feel destroyed. No matter what small bit of comfort I receive it all comes down to me feeling bad most of every day. I just want this to be over. Grr! I normally maintain some semblance of control over depression but now I can't and that frustrates me even more. No matter those moments when -I feel- like everything will be okay I don't have the mental:powerless to keep that feeling up every day. My brain, it hurts.

Maybe tomorrow

.

.

.

will be better

I think.

I say.

I must believe.