7 years with no cents

Geoff after seven years has become frustrated with my lack of money. I'm excited to be studying for a new state for a new bar. Geoff is ready for us both to stop being so broke. He is frusterated by my obsession with the next big thing. When am I going to stop looking for the next big thing and start looking for a job, a career, start my life, stop being a broke student. Maybe I'm scared to take the next step. What if I'm holding back.

And so things come back around

This all started with me writing my application and now I'm writing applications of another sort. I wrote them at my kitchen job during down time. Some things don't change.

I fell in love with Boston when I was visiting a friend. This spurred me to apply to sit for the February bar. I would love to have an opportunity with your firm. Because it is known for having an excellent intellectual property practice. I have always been passionate about civil litigation and would love to focus on licensing issues. I've been driven. I have a plan. Now is the time. I want to serve a purpose, a function. I would be dissatisfied with any position where I was simply there, easily replaced. As an attorney you are put in the unique position to change a person's life, to protect them, to fix them. Sometimes, the law is not enough and we must try to something else.

Its too much

This year, I was lucky. Everything aligned, stars, planets, people and jam. The music and dancing, with fire, on sticks, on fire. And so, I wandered through fairyland with shooting stars and a prismatic lens. Everything was beautiful. I was there, when it all went down, up, around, over, under, and in between. We climbed up to the stars, through a field of grass, allowing music to traverse with us. I would say, I haven't come down from the clouds but I had sunshine, and Kahlua. We ran around -- tag your it. I was a hunchback, a muse. I traded around a campfire for sparkles. I still sparkle, but nothing is quite so sparly. The fire went out, as everyone left to go back to what they left behind. Except in their dreams. Which maybe it all was. Now, I'm dirty, I have three loads of laundry, I have to work tomorrow. But all the rest, its just too much responsibility. All faire I was haunted by ghosts of people who weren't there and some who were. I had the best time. Finally, I could trade for everything I could imagine. I found the stars, and eventually, the moon. Orion was overhead. As the stars when shooting through the sky I thought of all the ways it could be better next year. Now, here I am in another reality. Someone burnt my dancing stick and my pockets are empty.

mmm

Finally I'm beginning to find hope

that

I will be done studying for the bar

peace settling over me

only 5 days left.

5 d a y s left

five. (YAY!!)

Explode?

I worry sometimes that my chest may explode causing no injury to myself but splattering bits of law around the rooms.

When I open my mouth I need to put a net in front to prevent statutes for escaping my brain.

I need earplugs to keep information for leaving from my ears when I'm not paying attention.

When I breath I wonder if an occasional tort or piece of common law is escaping into the atmosphere.

If I cry will my tears contain the rules against perpetuities?

Is my hair getting darker because it contains the Uniform commercial code? I wonder if I should collect it and put it back in my head...

If I eat my books will they absorb into my blood stream?

Demon Spawn

there is a fruitfly in my room

its driving me crazy

flying around in little circles

Come and save me

there is a fruitfly

its divebombing me

I'm huddled under my desk

I'm being viciously attacked by a fruitly

i can sense its presence

I know its trying to kill me

Fruitly?

Is that some new designer creature?

yes with huge teeth

and lazer speed

it shoots fireballs out of its Eyes

it was created by the great demon lord Zarzarl

hahahaha! I have destroyed it

I got guts on my hands

bug guts... ew!

THERE ARE MORE!!! We are lost!

Things I'm going to do after the bar

For starters I decided to edit this on a regular basis so yes it is different, longer, shorter, bigger, or smaller since the last time you saw it.

1. lay on the grass for no reason

2. be outside

3. walk somewhere because I want to

4. finish one of my many quilts

5. play 3 soccer games in one week

6. start new art projects

7. start laser engraving project at Metrix

8. Cook

9. Cook more

10. All day

11. have a birthday party

12. buy a new dress for my friends wedding

Ice cream sandwich

I have acknowledged and accepted that Barbri is trying to break me mentally by forcing me to undergo the torture of bar prep. I am strengthened in my mental resolve. Your measly attempts at destruction of been overcome; I have fortified myself with a delicious ice cream sandwich. BRING IT ON!.

Soul Crush

It's not as good as it sounds. After a month of final like studying. I am done. yet, I'm only <3 weeks into a 8 week program.

My brain is mush.

I can't conc4ntrate.

But worst of all is the crushing feeling of defeat.

That's all -I feel- most days. Failure pressing in on all sides.

Every time I can't get something done.

Every time I put things off.

Every time I feel like I'm falling farther behind.

It is Soul crushing.

I feel destroyed. No matter what small bit of comfort I receive it all comes down to me feeling bad most of every day. I just want this to be over. Grr! I normally maintain some semblance of control over depression but now I can't and that frustrates me even more. No matter those moments when -I feel- like everything will be okay I don't have the mental:powerless to keep that feeling up every day. My brain, it hurts.

Maybe tomorrow

.

.

.

will be better

I think.

I say.

I must believe.

?Buttons

Why don't any companies just sew their buttons on properly damnit! If you are going to sew on buttons - sew them on properly, and if you are not going to do so, give me some spares. Nothing is worse than losing 1 button and having to purchase all new buttons and redo the entire thing. So, please sew the buttons on properly.