swimming in text

I dive into paper, swimming through words, seeking meaning. I brush dicta of my hair when I come up for breath. I could easily drown in this world of theories, so little pertinent information. My ears pop when I dive for pearls of wisdom, I wish I would have brought my oyster knife: to stab the rhetoric and bad puns. I feel my eyes burn and close them to the words. I head up for more air, for the sun, the light, freedom from my watery confines. Words that have no levity, no true meaning, maybe it is not I who swims but they, viscosity abound, dripping down the page.

A clip from a blueberry night.

The stars are all connected by string and carried around by a woman with a thousand balloons, the world is drenched in cold, which in turn is defeated by firelight. I breath liquid blueberries, staring up as they float away into a blue moon. I'm a great cat in a fur coat stalking around a fire. I'm lightheaded and happy. I just got off the merry-go-round. the world has gone a little fuzzy around the edges but focus has become more clear. Everything sparkles not just me. It all falls into place I'm waiting, talking, running, the sun begins to raise I wonder what happens to the stars, I prolong so much as possible, this blueberry night.

It's...

well it's my computer it's trying to commit suicide, it's depressed, sometimes it doesn't want to get up in the morning. When I put it in my bag it tries to overheat and melt into a small puddle. Luckily, when she is only partially melted it property reconstitutes when placed on a hard flat surface. when she is pulled out of the bad she reaches out her CD tray in hopes of it being ripped off so she can die in peace. She simply does not want to go on. Once in awhile when the the power cord is in my bad, the laptop rips it apart attempting to trick me into allowing it to die when I'm not looking. Any tips on making my laptop happier?

A waste

It's such a waste sometimes, the internet, the letters, outdoors, leaves, coffee, breakfast, all such wonderful things but sometimes they just suck our life out where are so involved with some things that other more deserving of our attention are forgotten and our time slowly leaks out of our fingertips when we are not looking the seconds are left as little black on the paper, flour on the kitchen, water in the shower, you make is through the day and all you have is, that you try to gather up, the minutes; but they slip through your fingers. You always seem to spill it, Damn it! The next morning you step in the sticky residue from the day before and you search behind your couch for a forgotten hour, finding one you watch 2/3 of a movie and leave the dvd in the player a remnant of the time spent wasted.

This is a Triumph

The weekend I mean, I PAX'ed it out. It was great, I've already made plans for next year. It was so much fucking fun, I don't think I've had that much fun in forever, I got tossed made bad decisions, saw my friends in compromised positions. I walked around, saw a really bad movie, ate McDonalds collected pins, watched my friends get their heads shaved. It was a wonderful time, a time to remember forever, things don't come together in such ways on a regular basis, and so now I'm starting to work a little bit more, at school and work but only through the end of the month hopefully I"ll survive then I hope you realize that I have entered into an agreement not to work more than 20 hrs per week... yes that is right I am contractually obligated not to work more than that. pretty fucked up isn't it. I also realized what would happen if everyone in the world was able to trace my blog back to me, I have been thinking alot about what it would mean to me, and if I would be proud of the truthful bits. I may have said some undeserved things, I can't imagine being some kind of politically slanted individual I would never be able to live down even half the things I've said, you know I have records of conversations I've had on the net for 7 years or something ridicules before it was easy you simply didn't say anything you didn't believe, or you don't right anything that you couldn't stand by, should our society still consider this to be the truth? or is it ok to say some things you don't believe, or something rash, that will be kept on the internet accessible to all in one form or another even if you delete it there are websites dedicated to saving the internet. I would question however if it could be saved. But now that our whole lives can be easily stored we realize the entire world is comprised of petty, immoral, mean, hypocritical, and stupid people. What does that say about us, about society, that we are all so fucked up. We all say these awful things, about awful people like ourselves, and then you re-read what you type and you question whether you believe it, but if you said things that you only believe in you wouldn't say much because the only thing you can definitely say you believe in are things that are so vague no-one can argue about them, or that are rhetoric. "I Believe in Freedom!" do you really unquestionably, for everyone to do anything that they want? what does freedom even mean anyway? and since you can construe anything that anyone says as fucking wrong then why bother trying, what not say things that even you question, why avoid getting trapped by your words if you are building a cage up around yourself. So I say try to say things that are the truth as you say them, and correct yourself when you change your mind.

Letter to me

So here it is my letter to me. The ultimate challenge from my darling teacher, write a letter to yourself and then hand it in sealed, and I will send it back to you in one year. Seems intense no? what do you tell yourself, what do you wish that you would have told yourself now if you had written the letter one year ago? getting the letter today would be too late I guess, I would say start strong, keep up with everything, abandon entertainment, tv, novels (if you haven't already) but never forget the bubble gum machine or to die your hair red, never forget your friends or how much you like chocolate chip cookies. I guess what I am trying to get at is stay human, make sure you still like yourself after it's all over, keep your conviction. don't get caught up in the wrong things, you came here to help people, all people with different things, internet, technology, your here to protect the small businesses and the disadvantaged, also start thinking now about where you want to work next summer, as far away as it seems it's time to start thinking about those types of things. I hope you have found some friends at school, but do not desert those which were your friends before, do not be arrogant, or a stuck-up bastard. Do not cowtow to the conservative ideals of professionalism you like you the way you are and there will be someone somewhere who does as well. Don't sell yourself short.

The expectation of privacy

In most cases where you argue that someone has breached right to privacy there has to be an established expectation of privacy for instance, password protected information on the web is private, information you receive by invitation only is private, blogs however are not, and so while it feels disconnected enough from myself, I am, essentially, spilling my guts to the world for anyone who would like, to see. It still to me seems private because even if the world sees it they won't know it connects with the person that I am I could say normally but that would be a little bit of a stretch. But on the other hand since I know that only one person reads it, and I know who they are and they know who I am it makes it less private than just a random username on the internet. In fact on occasion I feel like I am engaging in conversations with only that individual despite the billions of people currently connected, and the fact that I talk mostly in unexplained riddles, and the like. So here it is, what would you say the answer to the universe is, should you ever settle for second best, why can you only enjoy wealth after you have spent all your life working for it. I've always been obsessively working towards something bigger and better, what if it never ends, what if there is always something else out there to win, what if I don't ever stop, what will I be then? What of jealousy and what of dissatisfaction.

Swirling

You wake up one morning a week away from law school and there are so many options and possibilities your mind has figured out what is grey and goes really fast, and it's not a frog. There are too many choices and decisions. This is the rest of your life your are talking about and frighteningly enough your already 1/3 of the way there. No matter how hard you work or what you do, you can't change the fact that life sucks, you spend most of it working for someone else, to make someone else money, so they don't have to. To mediate this you get the best job you can, and spend your weekends goofing off. This doesn't change the fact that most days you spend most of your time doing something you really don't want to do. I am taking a plunge into more debt than I can even imagine, more money that I've made in my entire life, on the off-chance it will lead to something that I enjoy doing. All I can do is hope. I believe though you must take risks in life, you spend your whole life working towards the goal of not working, trying to win at life. If you lose, failing at what you are trying to do, nothing that bad can happen, your back at square one. But I have discovered that no matter how insignificant your job is, you can usually cover your bills if you try. So take the chance walk on the edge invest your time and money into things that you will get the most out of, whether that is your own company, a product, or maybe someone you believe in.

The greatest invention of the 20th century

Hot Water. Excellent news according to google good weather for the next few days we are all looking at sunshine. So bbq is on for Saturday. with 66-88 degree weather with unfortunately 10% chance of rain, (I'm risking it.) Got a shopping trip planned with my family on friday morning, life is good, unfortunately I had a small problem with employment today, its looks like according to my schedule that I will be unable to continue my awesome job in the next few months. Which give me just about a week before I need to get a new job. scary though for someone starting school a week from tomorrow at 11am. Life continue in spite of the insanity. damn I'm farking tired. lol. goodnight all. (yes it is 2:13pm)

Is it even worth writing

I imaged today on the way to work that our world was destroyed, thrust into the future, and then thousands of years later they discovered the internet, not all of it, but rooms of backup servers and terabytes of storage. They found, the New York Times archive, and 4-chan, they discovered 3 millions blogs, about everything from making your own cola to noka chocolate

What would they think of us?

Chocohalics Anonymous

I can't stop eating the stuff, I can't stop thinking about it, all day, I think about a time when I can have some, preferably warm and mushy, maybe included in baked goods, or maybe in a mint flavored bar, in milk, cookies, or cakes. I Must have it..

What a super lame post

I am not deleting it but it was.

I have a confession

I can't stop listening to bad 80's music. It's true and weakness that I must eliminate. Sigh. Maybe I was made for the 80's. Everything was so cheery then. Now it's more like scary angry, not trying to idealize the era but I found that much of the music has more positive motions, famous musicians would speak against violence, discrimination ect. Now they speak for it, with lyrics so foul you would slap someone in the face for speaking them but for some reason it's just fine when it's part of a song. Not saying that we should in any way limit free speech but I do have to ask why on earth do people listen to this crap? "Gangsters do realize they can make just as much money working at mcdonalds? and then they get medical lol. It's sad really. Or maybe that is just my impression maybe I can't back it up. But wiki says I'm completely wrong as the 80's was the establishment of hardcore/gangsta' rap. Well I guess I just think it's gotten a little bit more extreme. I would imagine these guys would be disgusted with themselves, spouting all that bull shit everyday representing themselves to be drug dealers, pimps, murderers. That said I enjoy some rap, either with non-nonsensical, ironic, or more starkly realistic. On the other hand I don't think rap is the only music to fall, most of the music that has become popular since say 1990 is utter and complete crap. The songs that are so bad most of us try to completely wipe them from our minds (so I will not be naming names at this point).

Radio at work

So, here we go watched some Farscape last night. I forgot how good that show was. I am trying to waste as much time as possible before I have to not waste time. I have been making lists of all the things that I need to do for school, supplies, books, foods, an intimidating task, I forget what it takes out of you to go to school, the focus it takes. but here it is my list of non-refrigerated items to pack for school lunch.

Instant Oatmeal
Rice
Food Bars
Low-Sodium V-8
Fruit (but not bananas) I discovered that after spending a day getting smushed in your bag it's all mushy and gross plus everything in your whole bag smells like moldering banana
Peanut Butter and Jelly - This also gets smushy but it tastes better
Crackers
Chips
Cans o' Soup
Zuchini, banana and Pumpkin bread
Muffins
Bagels
Yogurt - Yes I know it says it's supposed to be refrigerated but it's ok after about 5-7 hrs, it just becomes a little runny
Cereal (I store it under my desk and then buy the little mini-milk cartons and eat it out of there.
Tea - yes I know it's not really food but I mostly eat it.
Cookies - also not actual food but good and they keep for quite awhile
Granola
Nuts - I lived off of nuts at Cornish I love those things
Frozen burritos - if you leave them in your bag they be barely unfrozen by 2pm so they work great for lunch
Pizza - because everybody knows it good after like 10 hrs on the counter.
Vegis (you can add a little water and microwave them)
couscous (add a little water and microwave)
biscuits - good with canned soup)
That's all I can think of for now but left over pasta is always good too
Got anything else?
L.

Post. 124

I have decided only this morning that Agnostics, Atheists, Non-denominational religious individuals have a higher moral standing than Catholics, Mormons, Muslims, etc. They have massive holy wars, and a book of justifications. the others have their own minds to fight with, which makes them think about the universe more and draw their own conclusions, be more tolerant of others that drew different conclusions because we know our own reality it based on shaky ground. America is the future of the crusades, helping godless non-democratic people find the truth, by going to their country and killing them. If all our country did, our armed forces did is feed the hungry, heal the sick, help the homeless, as the bible dictates we would be in much better financial and political situations but since we are on a crusade it is far more important to cure those godless non-democratics of their indiscretions, by killing them. When on a crusade those who believe that knowing (see going to church) God makes them morally better than those who don't, their only course of action is to use violent physical force on others being powerless to change their minds.

The way they fall

Well dangle I guess. I love long earrings.

More Thoughts About Supplements

There are times in life when epiphanies occur, sometimes its your first day of work or school, you know someone will be your friend, you know you will love your teacher or your boss. Some epiphanies happen after months or years of deliberation. I had one of each, while I was attending art school I decided I wanted to become a lawyer. It slowly came to me but I realized one day after attending for three years it was what I wanted to do. My first day of work as a graphic designer I knew that I needed to find something else. In spite all of the fun I was having playing with toys. When I came to KLO or Kroontje Law Office as it's known to the rest of the world, I knew it was perfect, the beginning of something great. I never knew what it was like to really love going to work until I started here. At KLO I began learning about litigation from the inside out. Seeing the practice of law up close made me more determined to attend law school. I have gained immense respect for the practice of law and am excited for the opportunity study and become a practicing professional. After researching all the schools, I think your program would be the best fit for me, I am especially interested in some of the student organization specifically Technology Law Society and Public Interest Law Foundation. The schools legal writing program seems both unique and extremely beneficial. I believe School of Law has just began it's climb to the top teir of law schools in the US and I would be honored to continue to build its prestigious reputation.

more finalized

Supplement to Personal Statement
We were all asked, when we were kids, what we wanted to be when we grew up. When I was 8, I wanted to be a soccer player, at 13 a pianist, 16 an artist, and at 20 a lawyer. As we grow up the things that we want to do change. I don't want to be a lawyer because it's a good career I want to be a lawyer because I discovered there are three things in life that I am interested in doing forever, learning, helping, and changing. I want to be a lawyer because it's a dream, not a good financial decision, I look around and I see so many people who want to implement change, want to talk about all of the things that could be made better. I want to be one of the people that listen, and make change.
I recently became a legal assistance in the smallest law firm you can imagine, me and 1 lawyer. It is breathtaking, spectacular, fun? It is the most exciting educational experience I could imagine and I look forward to the opportunity to engage further in the legal profession.
Something serendipitous happened to me, the engine mount on my car broke causing my engine to fall out of the bottom of my vehicle. To some this may not seem to be a particularly good but to me, it was beneficial. It led me to take a job as an assistant to an attorney in down town who has recently started his own practice.
Since then I have been engaging is all kinds of exciting litigation, I have become acquainted with many aspects of a legal career that I had not considered previously, legal messengers, clients meetings, time keeping, and West Law, I am excited and engaged with all aspects of what I'm doing and it has made me look forward even more to enrolling in classes.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

We were all asked when we were kids what we wanted to be when we grew up. When I was 8 I wanted to be a soccer player, at 13, pianist, 16, artist, 20, lawyer. As we grow up the things that we want to do change as well. I don't want to be a lawyer because it's a good career I want to be a lawyer because I discovered there are three things in life that I am interested in doing forever, learning, helping, and changing. I want to be a lawyer because it's a dream, not a good financial decision, I look around and I see so many people who want to implement change, want to talk about all of the things that could be made better. I want to be one of the people that listen, and make change. I want to be a public interest internet lawyer, I want to work in education teacher classes in high schools to teach kids about our legal system, I want to work pro-bono to assist low-income citizens, be a mediation, an arbitrator, a judge. I realized I could do all of these things. I realized that I have a dream to accomplish something much larger than me.

I recently became a legal assistance in the smallest law firm you can imagine, me and 1 lawyer. It is breathtaking, spectacular, fun? It is the most exciting educational experience I could imagine and I look forward to the opportunity to engage further in the legal profession.

What about corporate policy?

What if every corporation has it's own policies, you can't work there unless you follow there policies, you can't shop there unless you agree to there rules, you can't go to school unless you sign an agreement to abide at all time by there handbook, inside and outside of work, school, and stores you are controlled by corporations and organizations rules. We may not right now have a problem with that but what if they become over reaching? Every day we sign on to some website and sign a privacy agreement without reading it perhaps signing away our right to the information we are handing out, we tacitly agree to follow the rules of a store while we shop there or a movie theater while we watch movies there, what if we lose our rights not from our government removing them but from our inability to find food, clothing and entertainment outside the corporate world what if all corporations say, if you work for us you can't do (action 1) in your spare time, if you do, you are fired. It has been established that a corporation has a right to do just that. What if it doesn't just stay at (action 1) what if it becomes an entire diatribe on the things you are not allowed to do when you work at a corporation or buy movies from that store. What if we lose our constitutional rights to privacy, to bear arms, freedom, life and liberty, freedom of speech because we need to work, and we have to abide by the rules in order to do so. What about the school that doesn't allow students to engage in any gender biased activities inside and outside of the classroom, does that mean you can no longer play on your womans soccer team, does that mean you can't have poker night with the guys? the constitution protects our right from our government what protects our right from a corporation? Once it was against corporate policy for someone to give me a refund, it was also however against corporate policy for someone to give me the item I paid for, so let me ask you should I call the cops because they stole something? because well they did but are they protected because it's corporate policy. I of course wouldn't call the cops about something that stupid because I believe they have something better to do. I called the BBB I called the corporate headquarters and finally I called my bank, what ended up happening well it was quite simple, my bank simply took care of it because their corporate policy says that if I don't receive goods or services the company has to give me my money back, however what if it didn't, could I indeed get my money back? or would there corporate policy which is directly in opposition to law have seniority of my right for possession of my property. Since America and well the rest of the world has more and more acres of land that is covered by corporations and more people work for them, when will our entire lives be dictated not by the laws of the government but by the laws of the corporations, both the ones we work for and the ones we do business with?

I read..

I love books, the feeling of letters on a page, the glorious and precise black breaks in a pristine page, going on hundreds of time, stacked up in a pile and glued together, with names that usually look like this "NAME OF BOOK: the subject, another subject, and further information on that subject" Nobody can stick to the short names. But every once in awhile I"m shocked and surprised by some brilliant content, and have discovered in my renewed reading frenzy that the reason most people don't like to read is most of the stuff that is written is a combination of drivel and bad writing. You find a subject that is super interesting and some poor researcher bastard writes a book about it that is so incredibly dull it takes three cases of beer and 4 month to finish it if you ever do. Or you have some mediocre writing about some fictitious happenings that frankly you could read the first 15 pages and figure out what happens in the rest of the book because it's so predictable. Once in awhile you run into some combination that is enjoyable but for most the search of that is not worth the pleasure derived from reading the book, so let me simplify it for you, walk into a library, pick out 5-10 books that look interesting.. Check them all out, and spend a week scanning them, make a commitment to read say 2, return the rest. The only problem with this theory is you really want to read all the books and are just waiting for a time that you can have the memory of having read the book installed in your mind it 5 minutes or less, http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2008/05/14/notes051408.DTL
loved the article so wanted to share. l.

I spilled my book

I dropped my book, and the letter jostled loose, when I picked it up most of them spilled out of the pages on the ground, little black t's and s's and most of the rest of the alphabet. Letters continued to slip from the book fluttering to the ground like dropped pages. Some where still adhered to the pages and got a little bit crooked but the book was lost. Just blank white pages. Shaking the book a little more had the desired effect of spilling most of the remaining letters out onto the ground, I didn't feel bad the rain would dissolve them, I brushed the few that remained off the page with my finger tips pausing occasionally to scrape any persistent ones with my fingernails. I grabbed a pen, this will work, printers are so over rated, now I have something with some indelible.

I've been having a problem with words

Lately I have been having a problem with words, and the English language which is all just a non graphic user interface to each other's brains, what if we just had pictures and sounds, would that make understanding any easier we spent massive amounts of time learning how to communicate with each other verbally and through written word, do you think it is unnatural for us to do so? would we be better off learning something other than language, what about written text? It's been a long time since I really thought I about semiotics but really the evolution of the human being has really been the evolution of our communications with our own brain.

I like Insects

I think that many time, we like to compare apples to oranges, but we do so with broad sweeping generalizations, with complex maps, with unnessecary information graphics, why must we but then if we can just get a little farther away from words we would realize that each one carries a special weight to it, I had a though today, about waiting for someone for dinner, I saved my the food, so I'd be hungry for you. When you meet that person walking down the street they look interesting, you could both go to a bar, I could over a blueberry lemondrop, and you could order a drink that I never learned to pronounce, that has guava juice, and sugar. We could talk all night about people in leotards, and cavemen. Why waste so many unique moments on useless blabber, connect with someone every day, while we may always have the chance to meet someone again later, what if you don't? what if that was the last time you talked to them? that time on the bus, where you said excuse me, but because you live in the city you never see them again, couldn't you have said instead, I cook, and I don't have a favorite animals, I like insects. We pass a million unique moments a day with complete oblivious ignorance, maybe we should show some respect to the fact that it's over from that point on, what if today was the best day of your entire life, and you didn't appreciate it? So eat the extra cookie, stay up the extra hour, have another drink at the last call, savor the moment everyone. Take joy, but leave a half cup for the next person in line.

Sorry to get political

this is literally the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.. just read the damn thing, you will be laughing before the end. (with comments)

Dear McCain Supporter,

George Soros the "liberal megadonor" (greatest term ever) is at it again. He and his group of billionaire left-wing (there are so many of those damn left wing billionaires if only we could stop them) Democrats have pledged $40 million dollars of soft money ( unregulated sounds dirty though) to smear (advertise about his wrongdoing, cast doubt on his character) John McCain in a national television ad campaign. (you mean "tv ads")

In an article published in Politico, (straight out of the politico clearly the leader in clear and reliable information) it was reported that Paul Begala and David Brock met with a gang (all those damn gangsters of the billionare left-wing, surely they will whip out their glocks and billy clubs and take Mr. McCain out of the running) of Manhattan liberals (somehow different from other liberals) at the home of George Soros to outline their plans for a $40 million dollar ad campaign against Senator McCain. Brock is quoted as saying the group could do the work of the press corps that has "fallen down on the job" when it comes to McCain! (because they probably have, where is the dirt?)

Folks, (down home speak to appeal to the subconscious of the audience) that is why we need your help and we need it now. We need to be able to answer (smear other politicians to counter-act the damage done to us) whatever smear campaigns the liberal left throws at us. (because the liberal left is known far and wide for their smear campaigns... or are they) Please help as we combat this base demagoguery (anyone who uses that word in a sentence asks to be mocked "demagoguery: 1. a leader who makes use of popular prejudices and false claims and promises in order to gain power (they must mean republicans or maybe Clinton), and the best part 2. a leader championing the cause of the common people in ancient times) with a donation of $50, $100, $250 or even $1000 today

Soros and his liberal friends need to know that they cannot buy this election with their billions. With your help we will continue to get out the straight talk (boldface lies) on the issues that Americans ( more down home subconscious speak read conservative republicans) care about.

Sincerely
Those crazies at the McCain office. We are all going to die! ps (means I wrote inside those marks) I could keep going but I think I've spent enough time on this already, do you think they could use the work billions again because I don't think it's been overemphasized enough yet.

One sleepy day

So, so so so... I have decided I really need a nap, I don't know what happened I was supposed to go and process film today, but frankly it's just not going to happen, why? well because I didn't get enough sleep last night I desperately need a nap. I got an upsetting call this morning, about well an accident, someone wanted company to the hospital, they cut there foot. I suppose they wanted sympathy, and at a normal time of day that's what they would have gotten, I am mostly proud of my ability to flay someone with words, but I refuse to do it often, it is far to easy to fall into a habitual pattern of meanness. But there it was a flayed them, but I felt mildy justified in doing so becuase A) it was not an emergency, B) they were perfectly capable of handling it themselves, C) I stayed up to midnight, they new it and they also knew I had to get up for work this morning, D) it was super fucking selfish. From that point on my day was not the best day, mostly because I was too annoyed to go back to sleep, I was in intense knee pain, my teeth hurt and well, 5 hours of sleep will do that to you. So there we go that leads up to day, the day that I am supposed to be doing film developing, but you know what I'll probably just go it will be a nice break from the rest of reality, maybe get some vegi's then head home. :) only 20 minutes to go. Also, just so you know my party was awesome, cinnamon whiskey is awesome, with apple juice or sprite. Banana cream pie was a huge hit as well as the truffles and rum-ed fruit esp. the strawberries, the cake was a little bit of a hit, but mostly the pie everybody loved the pie. We all got fuckeded up. it was very exciting night :D only I drank a little to much, that's not particularly a bad thing. And while I'm here sharing I played soccer this weekend it was distressing I was playing center defense. A very important position absolutely and I did very well, we made a goal we played off sides then more and more people started playing back to "help" in the defense and it went from playing 3, 3, 3, (forward, midfield, defense) to having absolutely no midfield or and only two forwards, nobody would trust me, or each other to do their job in defense. That is a problem with almost every team I play on. With the exception of my Wednesday night team. So I beseech my teammates, if I am playing D, let me, and if you won't let me, push me up to forward or midfield, but mostly have some faith in your team play your position and allow your teammates you know actually be a team, instead of a whole bunch of people who are running around on a field.

It all started

About a month ago I needed a cup of heavy cream for something that I was cooking. I have no idea at this time what it was. It all came to head last weekend, we were cleaning out the fridge, throwing stuff away left and right when all of a sudden I was shocked into saying "Hey, your not planning on throwing this out are you? It's still good" I snatched the yellow container off the floor, "see it doesn't go bad until the 30th." to which was to replied from the person on the floor with their head in the fridge "are you sure". Of course I was sure, the stuff was fine the only problem is now I need to figure out what to do with it, what exactly do you do with 4-5 cups of heavy cream? so immediately I began to search my recipe books for potential recipes that use cream, for the first time ever I had trouble doing that, I swear before I had cream everything used cream now that I was trying to get rid of the stuff I was having problems, what did I do? well that's easy instead of using the cream like I was supposed to I made something called Sweet Potato Cake w/ Brown Butter Glaze. It however only called for milk, so I pretended it called for cream and used it anyways. Then I realized left over from my exciting Muffin making binge I still had half a bag of raspberries so I did the only thing I could think of, Raspberry Caramel Sauce, I bottled it up, put it in my fridge, I suppose that isn't taking care of it really but I did buy myself another three weeks before they have to be used, Then I decided to do something with chocolate. All recipes that contain chocolate also call for cream, my choices were Chocolate Cream Pie or Hazelnut Chocolate Truffles. It was quite a decision but I went with the truffles, probably because I've never made them before and they looked awesome, (they are by the way) I still have 30 left. I have used up over 3 cups of the stuff I swear that container is overflowing, in the process I went through 2 sweet potatoes 1 cup hazelnuts 12 oz chocolate 6 oz raspberries, 4 cups sugar, and other assorted ingredients. Then when I got home last night I looked on my counter and realized I had made a dire mistake, I bought to many bananas, so I am creating a marriage of problems, to kill two birds/bananas with one stone. Banana Cream Pie. The only problem is I have all this food at my house, somebody has to come eat it all forcing me to throw and impromptu party to eliminate it. So that it, that is why I had to make a banana cream pie and invite a while bunch of people to my house for a party. I will probably also cook a big batch of pasta for everyone meaning this whole cream thing has gotten completely out of hand, anytime you find a food item that results in a pasta party it means something has gone horribly wrong with the universe. The moral of this story of course is do not clean your fridge.
p.s. I'll post the recipes soon.

Arts and Crafts

I have decided not to unrecently that I want to make quilts and have sewing projects, and bead, and cook, and bake, and sleep, and read 5 books a week. This is a slight problem as there really aren't that many hours in a day. So I have been reading three different books at once, I just switch between them, and try to make dinner every night, but sometimes it's not the best, then I just can't seem to finish my sewing projects, I'm working on a skirt, and I'm thinking about adding some ribbon but what I really need to do is the laundry, but not before I cut out a 3x3 square and zigzag the edges to see if it shrinks in the wash. Mostly I want to finish one of these projects ever feel like you have a million things to do and no time to do them in, well I feel like that now, and it's my own fault, Soccer three times a week, house parties twice every three months, 3 different sewing projects, art projects, beading project, cooking project, folding my laundry (yes someday I will do this) and not to mention working... like I ever needed to do that. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, and I miss the vegetable market. Now for me to go back to work and see if I can't get us to make some money here at my job.
Don't get me wrong though I love it. I love it all. I can't even remember being this pleased with life. I guess maybe I'm not in so much of a hurry. ooh and I like my job.

p.s. my boss has me planning a party for our 1 year anniversary, wine, beer, bartenders, soda, caterers, AAAAAH! lol I love it! speaking of which I need to go and reserve the hall.

city in the clouds

today, I realized, I live in a city in the clouds, we all do, I looked up and there it was extruding into the sky, milky whitness blocking it's base from my view, it's spires reaching up into blue. I live in that city, it is my city, I live in the clouds. the city of clouds.

I don't believe in rain

I don't believe in rain, when it falls, I don't believe it hits me, I don't believe when the drop splatters my skin, I don't believe getting battered, soaked by it, it simply isn't, that might make it easier to admit, I don't own an umbrella and why would I, because I don't believe in rain.

The Banana Chronicles

So here it went the moment that started it all, in a rush to make it to work on time, I looked at my hand, in it there was a banana peel, I looked at the recycling, I looked the the garbage back that had been tied closed, I looked at the freshly washed stove, hmm, *toss* I'm in a hurry I can take care of it later, not even thinking about the fact that I wasn't actually going to be home again until Friday night. "Don't Leave your banana peel on the stove", "why not", and then it began going downhill of course, at any point either of us could have ended it but for whatever reason we both believed that it was a very important topic that deserved at least 30 minutes of our time, thus starting the great banana Chronicles, ending with a large pouting session on my part, and determined unguiltiness on his. Now it wouldn't have been so bad but it went kind of like this,
don't be mean,
I'm not being mean,
Why do you have to yell at me
I don't yell at you
Well it's not like it matter anyways
That's ridiculus I worked really hard to clean stuff up and you just tossed trash on it
well I'm sorry it bothered you so much, but I'd appriciate it if you'd not yell at me about it
I don't yell at you
Yes you did
I don't yell at you
Fine you didn't yell you were rude, you swore
I swore you right what you want me to edit myself
no
yes you do
alright I do but not to get rid of the swearing I just want you to be nicer
I was wasn't mean
yes you were you were yelling at me
I don't yell at you
Fine but you were mean
You mean I swore
no you were mean
you mean I said fuck
no you were mean
So you want me to change that fact that that's the way I talk
No I want you to not insult me when I do something that bothers you, use nicer words
Fuck that, I don't have to change.
I make accommodation's to you, whenever something bothers me I try to be nice
I wasn't mean
You sounded mean to me
I shouldn't have to change just because you take things wrong
Your right you shouldn't have to, and i didn't take it wrong you were mean
I wasn't mean
Well fine, you were mean but I'd still appreciate if you went to greater lengths to be less mean
But I wasn't mean what do you want me to do file a formal letter of complaint?
No I just want you to be nicer
to be filed, and I must wait ten days before saying anything?
no I just want you to be nicer, stop being so fucking mean to me when I do something you don't like.
I wasn't mean.
Fine whatever fuck it. I just don't fell like I should get yelled at when I fuck up
I didn't yell at you.
WHATEVER you didn't fucking yell at me.
NO but now your yelling at me
Yes I am. you know what fuck it, just don't fucking be an ass.
Now your just trying to piss me off
No I'm just saying you won't listen when I ask you, so I'm just saying straight up Don't!
Fine, then you don't yell at me in public anymore you know I fucking hate that.
...
what?
...
what?
.. your right, I will try to stop
what you won't stop
no I said you're right I'll try to stop doing it, it does really bother you
No you won't you're not going to stop
I just fucking said I was going to make a greater attempt to not do it anymore.
Yes but you won't
Fuck it fine.
This is fucking Stupid
ya,
so hows the weather
I dunno fine
Hey heres my bus stop babe, try not to yell at you boss today
... bye.

The banana peel however was so worth it, the world would not be rotating on it's axis properly if it weren't for that banana peel making it to the trash.

L.

In Loving Memory

In Memory of Therese Snyder

Dear Grandma

You were always my very favorite I have nothing but great memories of you, and all of your homes, The things you have taught me will always be with me, consider this a celebration of your life, a flower; may it grow, and it's beauty be a fraction of yours--in my eyes.

Your Loving Granddaughter.

L.

Clearly

Do you suppose that you think more clearly when you dream, subconciously you know what is the best possible outcome for all situations, and are able to participate in alternate reality in order to understand the outcome for all reality simultaniously, allowing you to fufill yourself in your dreams. I think what everyone really wants is to be able to simultaniously pursue all of there dreams, there are so many options in this world that many of us get drowned in potential, who knows exactly what is it we are/should be doing, but dreaming allows us to realize alternative realities. The unfortunate effect of waking up however is that we can't seem to remember how to get back to that other dimension we were just at.

day old thoughts

I dreamed about a camera a beach, a fish eyed lense, I dreamed about some trees, and a flood, about laughing, having fun, I dreamed about taking pictures.

Opus 12 No. 193 From Thursday Afternooon

As a artist I am lucky, I have a great job at a toy company, I design packaging. I am essentially required to play with toys at work. That said, I really want to go back to school, I want to find something more useful to do. Packaging is thrown away a little bit to soon for my future minded self. I want to pursue something that will allow me to make a measurable change in the way things are. I am interested in studying law and the arts with an emphisis on tecnology. This is where you come in.

Being a rather unique individual. I can offer difference of opinion, an artistic viewpoint that is currently missing from your student body.

Piggy Bank.

We are particularly interested in your motivation for studying law

Long ago I, as we all had, my first day of school. I caught the bus to Cornish College of the Arts where I was a freshman, art school was an excellent choice for my first day of classes. I was lucky enough to enroll in the school right as it moved to a new campus, I was immersed in the art community. I made up my mind right away that if I was going to be an artist I would need some knowledge of the contracts I would be facing as an art professionals. This mindset brought about an interesting result. The humanities department offered the class I proposed junior year, I loved it. I continued my art degree finishing with a project on the ethics of using found art in projects. I realized I did not want to stop learning, I also didn't want to stop studying law.

I could be an asset to the school, I'm involved in a great creative field, my unique background, artistic viewpoint are definitely not normal. This would make the the perfect candidate to provide your school with valuable diversity. Which you could insert into your diversity piggy bank, and tada.. Your diversity stocks would be up this year.. ? alright. I'm done.. clearly I should have stopped when I decided to write about piggy banks, if it helps the one I'm thinking of is green with cute little white spots.


If you are a college senior or recent graduate
you may wish to mention your work history and extracurricular activities.

work history is crazy, extracurricular activities,
participation in Washington State Achievers Alumni Association
Soccer.

clear concise compelling, (boy do their like their c's)

keep it under 3 pages, ish. (1.75 spaced or so)

Lost in the road

The grass was particularly high, I knew that, but for some reason I was having no difficulty making my way, maybe it was because I am on a dirt path. I caught a ride on a bus as a plummeted down the road, I soon regretted that decision I was soon holding on for my life, trying to alert the driver of my presence while holding onto the grass growing up the sides, and pull my self to the roof where at least there was something a little bit more substantial to hold onto. The driver had other ideas, I began to worry, floating as if in space completely horizontally around a corner before being pulled back to the surface as if falling, however, I was able to finally make my way to the top, a little bit out of breath, I was now attempting to lower myself over the front window, hoping a small flailing arm might distract him from his decided attempts of suicide, I was even more distracted at this point realizing we were rapidly getting larger in comparison the planet, what wait, it was grass earlier, I was being hurtled into outer space on the top of a motor home, This was unfortunate, another reason you should hitch-hike, but honestly I couldn't remember what I was doing there in the first place. I guess space isn't so bad if you think about it, other than it being slightly chilly. Finally out of utter desperation I flung my body over the room and grabbed his wind sheild wiper.. nothing I started pounding on the window, That brought the man to a decided halt. I sat in the motor home, he grabbed something that resembled the milky way, hey girl where are you going, "I dunno", you know how to use one of these, and hey I did. "yes" he handed it to me, after struggling with it for a few seconds he said you sure you know how to use that, "sure but umm... how do you turn it on"

Financially disadvantaged

What many would call a disadvantage I would consider an advantage. My family was poor. My dad was a logger and my mom stayed at home. We made under the poverty level for a small family but small we were not. I have 5 siblings. My parents decided they couldn't afford to send us to school. Every one of my siblings were home schooled up to and in most cases through high school. I learned how to do things I never would have going to public school in addition to learning traditional subjects I also learned how to milk, garden, cook, bake, sew, can, fence. Some of these skills may not have direct application to my career but the less substantial things I learned have put me at an advantage in many situations.

I may have never learned these skills if we weren't poor, so while some may consider it disadvantaged, I beg to differ.

I am still discovering the lessons I learned at home, and applying them to my life.

Taking another perspective

I am payed to play with toys, all day. Ok that may not be entirely true but.. that is what I do mostly. I am a Graphic Designer at a company called Toysmith, I create packaging design. The environment I've entered into is very friendly I work with some great people, I work both individually and in a team to accomplish various projects.

School:

I very much miss school, the mental stimulation it provided and the fantastic environment, Our school has these huge windows, I miss spending all day in natural light. Not to mention the lights they did have installed were fantastic. While I was still at school I realized I wasn't ready to stop learning new things, my interest in law perked during a class I instigated(has negative reflection). The conclusion I derived was that I should continue my education, merging my artistic focus with the law profession. I believe I could add valuable insight to the school my different mind set, that was constructed not only from my unique upbringing, but especially from my experience with art.

I am driven to keep going by not only my innate curiosity but also that I want to accomplish something useful. Useful as in implementing positive change. What I am doing now is engaging, interesting, rewarding, artistic, and creative. It is not useful.

found: personal statement

I must learn, It's a neccesity for me, I need to know new stuff, I come from an educated family always below the poverty line, my mom runs a .org my dad was a social worker, construction, logging/retired. I always thought you have control over every action you take, weighing the concequences, considering the posabilities, A person gets lucky becuase they prepare for the situation to arise. Study, and the pop quiz won't kill you. Pack your lunch, you won't have to buy it. Get good grades, get into college, work, get paid, have enough money for rent. I always pick what I'm going to do and then do whatever I have to in order to accomplish this. Most of the time it just involves a terrific amount of work, if you want an A you have to put in more effort than other people are willing to.

Paying attention

I haven't been paying attention, and I should be, I have talked about how much time I spend in work related activities every day and it does take up alot of time, and I actually think going to work makes me more tired than it should, simply because I am so unstimulated, take the 9 hours I am required to spend in the building plus the 40 minutes on each side to drive, provided I don't hit traffic or stop anywhere for anything and you have just about 10.5 hours per day, then I play soccer 2-3 time a week, I stop by the grocery store, try to be social over the weekends, while finding an apartment and searching craigslist, going to the doctors, dentists, not to include just daily still a person does like, you know eating, or taking showers, not to mention my car needs propped up on a semi regular basis, so that's 4-5 hours on the weekends, then I come to in the middle of january and realize despite the fact that all of these applications should have been in already. In OCTOBER!!!! what was a waiting for? now everything comes to head at the absolute last moment, and it hurts, know that I could have done better, I should have done better on everything, and then remember how much it didn't matter at all that I re took my lsat, in fact it lowered my score. That hurt, how I absolutely blasted my test, now here I am in January, how many months later, finally coming to the realization, I'm just frankly late, I'm slowly falling behind, I haven't been on this, since I started doing it, I just need to become more efficient with my time. less driving, and fun, more writing.

USC

We are particularly interested in your motivation for studying law

sadly and quite honestly I'm bored, maybe that's not exactly what they are looking for maybe the feelings I have are closer to dissatisfaction, dissapointment, restlessness

your academic background, and qualities you possess that may enhance diversity

hahaha.. well we all know the list there, small town, art student, home schooled, economically disadvantaged.. ect.

If you are a college senior or recent graduate
you may wish to mention your work history and extracurricular activities.

work history is crazy, extracurricular activities,
participation in Washington State Achievers Alumni Association
Soccer.

clear concise compelling, (boy do their like their c's)

keep it under 3 pages, ish. (1.75 spaced or so)

The Force

A lot of these things I'm writing seem incredibly forced, and it's because it is, I'm trying to portray something that I am not sure I even believe myself, especially when it comes to the fact that I was poor, I more consider that to be an advantage, becuase we couldn't afford meat I learned out to build fences, feed animals, milk cows and goats, give medicine, keep grain, we actually had a granary, we picked apples raised corn, potatoes, canned, all these things I wouldn't have done if I would have been well off. So I don't consider it a disadvantage at this point, I learned to much from the experience for it to be a disadvantage. There we go there is the truth, although I am not sure exactly how useful it is to be able to can jam, or milk cows in the life I'm leading but still, I know how. So maybe I didn't get a pile of video consoles and never had cable tv, maybe I only owned 5 cds, and didn't go to the movie until I took myself. Most of the time I wore my shoes until they fell off, and I had to share winter boots with my brothers and sister. I still consider myself to be incredible lucky to have been able to experience everything that I did, up to and including dragging out of bed in the morning in the middle of December to walk up the hill and feed the sheep. What about school did I want to go? well my Mom said I could decide after middle school, I decided to stay out, I considered actually being in classes to be a waste of time, I'd rather do my work at home, and play with Legos, learn piano, take dance classes, play soccer, and of course raise animals. In the end my childhood was carefree, get up feed and milk the goats, feed the cows and sheep, feed the chickens, gather the eggs, clean the house, do my homework and by 2 in the afternoon my siblings and I were wandering around outside having adventures and playing games. I was horribly disadvantaged¿. Financially my family did struggle my dad was a logger, my mom stayed at home to teach and take care of us, we never had much money, but it just didn't matter.

Splashing snow

Meanwhile, far far away in a distant corner of reality, where things are a little bit bent, sat a small ??? fish I guess would be the best way to describe it, although it seemed to morph and most of the it's time it spent flittering on transparent wings from one pointy flower to another. Due to perspective the 3 cm long "fish" appeared to be 8 ft. tall. That is just the way things are in the corner of reality, it strongly relates to the island of lost toys, this fish of mine, is unable to break out of the box because as we both know humans possess the most amazing power of disbelief. By dening their existance reality bends, creating folds, and twists, the flats planes of reality where we all live, and the pockets and nooks that contain all else. each fantasy in it's own corner of uneality.

Personal statement 10

life is like peanut butter and jelly, smelly, sticky, sweet, and it stains your shirt.

Act like what you want to be and that is what you will become, assume an attitude of giving, and you will become a philanthropist, assume an attitude of investment and you will become an entrepreneur. I want to become both of those things, the sooner the better, nothing like starting now.


I am most pushed by my want to learn, I believe learning is never a waste, it difficult for me to think, borrowing more money for school, my current debt already seems so massive, I grew up in a small town and my family stretched money, grew our own vegetables, baked our own bread, canned, sewed. So it's hard for me to sit down and think about borrowing tens of thousands of dollars, in order to have any return you must make an investment and the first step towards becoming an entrepreneur. One thing I can say about my upbringing, I am used to work, doing lots of it and doing a good job the first time, if you are going to build a fence do it right the first time and you won't have to spend all afternoon chasing the goats over 10 acres of woodland. Weren't you at school?, and to that question the answer was honestly no, I didn't go to school, when I didn't really set food into a classroom until I took drivers ed. My first day of school came right after my freshman orientation to Cornish College of the Arts. I remember looking around the room and laughing to myself, I spent so much time outside in Tonasket WA everybody else looked pale, an introduction to what I would look after 4 years, inside Cornish College of the Arts. During my education at Cornish I learned many things, some of them I believe to be exceptionally personally useful, some however I have no idea where they will apply to my life. The most influential people on my life were Brian Kennedy in the design department and Joseph Brotherton who is a member of the board of trustees but I had the privilege of taking a class with, a class that requested the existence of. I spent many hours of my month in conversation with Brian over every fiber of the student existence, from class size, schedule, the direction of the classes, grading, Brian helped me keep a lighter attitude about it, he always gave the best advice, encouraging me to push myself to the limit artistically and personally. When I took Brothertons class I got the opportunity to meet a type of person I had never really gotten the chance to talk to a lawyer. The most interesting thing we talked about in his class was rhetoric, inflection, context, how the way you say things colors what you say. As it strongly relates to my style of art, portraying a feeling, I was fascinated by it. My personal goal is to surprise people, bring new thoughts into light, I was interested in the way that language can influence the way we respond to a situation.

What if..

Maybe I should have chosen the practical, maybe I should have gone to become an engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, maybe I should still, I could easily combine those skills with the ones I have, math comes easily so does logic, maybe law isn't the correct answer either, maybe I should be a mathematical genius, I just don't know anymore, but I think it suffices to say, I want to do something. something else.

¬

I got one

A letter, I have one! I've been waiting so long, and now I have one.. I'm so fucking excited.

YAY!!!

1 Down, 2 to go :)

woooo wooo

huge relief

unfortunately, only 7 days to go before I need them all. eh, I have one, that's a trillion times better than I was doing yesterday.

apartment searching..

Still looking but I may have found a possibility, it's located on cap hill, would make it significantly easier to go to bars lol. I might actually start walking places again which would be nice. I really want to start playing sims again but really I have a better idea, do work take a nice relaxing weekend off to get things done, and play sims :D wait.. that wasn't part of my original plan, it eats my brain!.

personalstatement 9

I can't help, but to want to apply art to all this, make the letter into art, number each word, print on A-4 paper, gold leaf my signature, use prestigious typefaces, add irony, insert a sense of performance into a letter, I don't know how helpful it would be though to be talking along and then say "(57)" or maybe, pick a particular kind of ivory paper, play off the cliques, I can't help my artistic side, my visual side, so how if I lay all that aside, do I communicate myself, when all I have been concentrating on is visual expression?

personal statment 8

What is a demonstration of academic excellence is it a letter, or a series of letters, is it a percentage, a number, or is it the determination of a student to learn, to take risks and engage in the educational process completely and without reservations. I believe that many things follow this the esteem or your teachers, the respect of your classmates, and he ability to learn quickly, an unintended effect of entering into class entirely is grades, percentages, numbers and good ones if I may say. The negative aspects of this of course are those walls you hit, the ones, some call it senioritis, but I think it's simply your mind working to bend past a certain point once you have intensively studied one this for years on end, you m ind decides it's had enough, and just simply does not comprehend what else it can learn, and for that reason senior year was the hardest one, but it was also very informative. Where we are were let go to sort things out for ourselves but the choices where so abundant it is paralyzing. Finally you come across something that makes sense, something that attracts your interest something to burry yourself in, and suddenly it all comes together and you will talk the ear off of anyone who will listen excitedly outlining the subtle details. Those agonizing moments of indecision are forgotten, the project comes together as something you can be proud of, your senior project the culmination of your education, but after such an addictive process how can you stop will you ever again be satisfied with what you were hoping for before the excitement the mind bend, can the ordinary day to day ever be enough, should it be enough? I say no, take yourself especially your mind to the absolute edge of your potential and never look back. But you have to want it, you have to love it, whenever you feel is the time to stop it when it is time to stop I however know, that time has not come for me. I am not ready, nor willing to stop. I know I'm am going to do something important I'm just pushing to prepare myself for it.

Personal Statement 6

You may wonder why me, the odds of me getting in is low, considerably lower, than even people with slightly lower grades, definitely lower than those with slightly higher grades, why me, I wonder this as well. I had an epiphany of sorts, maybe I don't have the best grades in the world, maybe I don't have the best lsat score in the world, but I have dedicated myself to do well, and i have no interest in getting a job and making money, I realize this is an ideal, but I desperately want to do something good with my life, something that makes marked changes, that you can see on peoples faces, I realized when I was in college that while making more is nice, a person can live on very little, people all over the world live on a very small percentage of what I lived on, and still, now that I make more I spend it all much more quickly than I ever did when my income was restricted. I don't just want a whole bunch of money, although I could probably make a whole bunch with a law degree that's just not what I'm in it for. And in the end I will get in, not because of my grades, or my standardized test scores, but because of my determination, dedication, and the need to serve a cause greater than myself.