Futuristic

I find myself constantly obsessing about the future, getting a better job, going back to school, taking tests, buying houses, new cars, working hard, and celebrating. I can't help it looms in front of my a great specter of doom. Every time I achieve a goal, I not satisfied with it, I work towards it with a scary single mindedness I accomplish it I am dissatisfied, I already created a new goal, I've already discovered a new path, I can't calm down and accept the place that I am, There is no now, there is only this weekend, tomorrow, next month, 5 years, why the hell can't I accept today. Why can't I rent movies, or play video games, well becuase I have created a list of things 1000's long that I feel I must take care of first, I just can't stop. Are you happy? My reply is always with what? There are many things I am happy with, I'm proud of, but always conditional modifiers. I just feel trapped if I'm in a situation I can't improve, and I work relentlessly towards improving it. Why can't I just be satisfied, do things that are fun because I like doing them instead of doing them to cope with eliminating more things on my list, feeling guilty at the end of the day becuase all I did was work 8 hours, go grocery shopping make dinner, think about law school, read 200 pages in a novel, and go to sleep. Why can't I be satisfied, What's wrong with doing that?