It's time.

To send all my applications in, to really sit down and get into this, or it is never going to get done, forget statistics and fear, and inaction, now it is time to write.!
It is time to write of determination, insistence and ethics, it is time to convince whoever will read it, that I am the one, The anomaly that is aloud to enter into the holy city. :D

now onto my next personal statement

What If

I am afraid, I am not afraid very often, but it is not very often that the results of an action are out of my hands, I want to go, I want to go in. I can't make them accept me. So as far out of my hands it is, it is also directly in my hands, I have 750 words to convince them, a task that would not be difficult if the words were not stuck to paper, glued down, immovable, black and white. What if when I open my mouth to spit words threw cords into a document labeled .txt. It is not the right combination of words, the safe stands as it is, I get put in the pile of hundreds of other people just like me, rejected, hope shattered, questioning, what now?

it is upsetting..

I am selling my piano, it is unhappy, I thought I would always play piano for as long as a live, I never thought I would stop and after going years without my piano and finally obtaining one that I completely fell in love with at first site. Then a year plus later I sell it, I'm going to miss it. I know I can't keep it but that doesn't stop me from wanting to. To my piano who I will miss forever no matter how it is replaced

Leah

Brazil

Well since this is a review, let me start by telling you I did not enjoy this movie so anything after this point must be taken with a grain of salt, this movie ripped open my chest and tore out my soul. It hurt. So with the water pouring out, I give you this.

Brazil, I liked the actors, they had great character throughout the movie, I knew them, I believed them to be real people, the world was also beautifully created, a wonderful tribute of the direction the government and people seem to be heading.

However..., as a whole the movie came off as well a little out of it, like the director/writer Terry Gilliam couldn't decide the state of his mind. The movie started out mostly cohesive and broke down slowly, until they finish (european ending) brings it back down to a decisive stop.

Most of the information that I gathered during the movie had no bearing with the actual plot or outcome of the movie. I believe Gilliam was so intent on creating his environment he did so at the degradation of his plot.

In the end what you have is closer to a psychiatric thriller, similar to The Cell with Jennifer Lopez. The only saver is how damn believable his future is, but it will crush your soul, the parallels to our countries "terrorists" is highly disturbing, almost as disturbing as that creepy baby face mask thing-y.

In conclusion

pros - awesome environment and actors

cons - way to long, disconnected, overly psychedelic.

DA)MNITS!!!

stupid people going on their stupid vacations!!!

ok.. I feel better now, this is just so damn frustrating for me. I'm having mentally knew people would be going on vacation but to actually have it happen was sad, I just need to let go and go on vacation myself. I guess I really can't get on other people for not writing me a recommendation when I myself have not wrote my personal statement or my resume, fucking font problems. DAmnS! .

¬.

Something are out of my control

Something I can't make happen no matter how hard a try, somethings I wait to long to accomplish, somethings
are completely wasted, most of those things that are wasted are not substantial, but mostly no matter how well you I plan, sometimes other people can obliterate the most carefully laid plans with a simple non-action.

I can't exactly like letters of recommendation for myself.

¬.

personal statement 5

I have a rather unique perspective on work, as in the place you go to obtain money, to pay rent and purchase items. I find work in general unfulfilling. I have no interest in going to a job, filling out the paperwork, getting the job done, going home, I have no interest in being a cog, in a machine I see accomplishing something with 100 people it could be accomplishing with 65, not to mention the fact that what I do accomplish is completely disposable, and personally and socially useless. I feel compelled to seek a niche in which I can work, accomplishing something tangible, something that makes the world a better place, in whatever way I deem to be important enough to spend my time. Dentists, Doctors, Fire officials, they all go home at the end of the day, they all provide a service to society that we need. I understand that these things are not for everyone, I am not a dentist, I am not a doctor, and I have no interest in becoming one, but I don't think that exempts me from helping somehow, in some way, Every day. I need a profession that I can provide service from, a profession that I can go home at the end of the day satisfied from. I want to work a job maybe as a cog, but in a machine that services an important function in society, only then will I be satisfied. Now I spend my time at work being a cog, while invisibly doing my own work elsewhere, assisting those people in my life accomplishing their goals, offering my support, advice, and couch. It takes a lot to get on your feet, I know this and I am dedicated in bringing those that i know to the their dream, wether that means helping them get into an apartment, or college, or helping them write their resume and land their first job. My family has a tradition of helping each other out, so when I went to college I stayed wtih my big sister, now my little sister has also moved in with us and has begun to attend college, I know when the time comes my little brother will probably be staying with me, so he can also go to college. Although I may end up with my little sister instead. My dad always told us we were his retirement plan, he invested in us and I am pretty sure we all will be. I had a completely unconventional and fabulous childhood, well it was partially conventional I guess, my dad worked, my mom taught us all and made dinner, we had fun if it killed us. Ugg.. <-- my teeth hurt, I'm leaving now.. bye..

Personal statement 4?5??

A great defining moment in my life was when I received the Bill and Melinda Gates Achievers Scholarship. I had planned to do like my big sister did, and attend community college for 2 years close to my hometown before transferring. The scholarship gave me the ability to choose a major sooner, and to pick from schools I would have never had the opportunity to go to. I chose Cornish College of the Arts to get my degree in Graphic Design. They provided me with an excellent stepping stone. The longer I went to college the more I realized I could not be satisfied with a career in almost anything. I know now I have to help people in some way that 8 hours I spend at work I want to be doing something for people, something to make their lives better, make the world better. There are many ways I could go about this with a law degree, their are so many facets of law that can be applied to my goal.

I feel out of place even thinking about law school. I grew up a small town, many of my friends dropped out of high school, or college. When I got my diploma I was the first out of my friends.

I started thinking about law during a class taught by Joseph Brotherton. I came to the realization shortly afterwards that I could do that, I could study law. The thought had just never occurred to me, like getting a degree in business or political science. It's nice to grow up and break out of the bounds you have mentally set for yourself.

¬.

Let those who are without reproach cast the first stone.

L.

Personal Statement 3

Everywhere I read says to write something engaging something interesting, I have a hard time puffing up that much, I know that I am an anomaly but really who cares? how can I appeal to some people, I guess honesty would be the first thing, I need to write something fun, I have alot of personality, I should get a interview, things always seem to work out a little bit better in person, but on the other hand paper is an interesting accompaniment.. but I still have to write one.. so here it goes

I like balloons, and bubbles, and other cute and shiny objects, I find they give me an unreasonable amount of joy per dollar. I learned when I was young to find happiness in other insubstantial things, and maybe finding joy in balloons still counts as unsubstantial despite the fact it is derived from a actual object. The best times in life have always been talking to people, building some kind of personal connection, it could be with a great friend of a complete stranger. Nothing is more exciting than meeting someone for the first time. I like to listen to people, learn about their idiosyncrasies, discover their great joy.

The thing that is the absolutely most important thing to me finding something useful to do, at least that's what my dad used to say when I was small, I guess that is one important thing that has stuck with me, "Find something useful to do". It has caused me a slight bit of trouble with the satisfaction of life, I find it hard to be content. Accompany finding something useful to do with sated my rampant intellectual hunger and it causes some mental trauma, I have a deep internal need to simultaneously accomplish both goals. What I am doing now accomplishes neither I don't feel like I'm doing anything useful, nor am I learning anything substantial. ... ok gotta head out work is over.. L.

The Vertical Transportation Device

I step across the sticky floor the door slides shut, air glide through my nose, Unwashed bodies and stale cigarettes, my muscles react to movement with balance. The scent reminds me of old ladies, and my uncle bill. Why is ugly tile so pervasive not that the carpet is so much better, but I only realize that when I reach my destination, Ding! [(Shudder)] I grab the door handle, it wiggles, but nothing useful is accomplished luckily they know I'm coming, a muffled thump occurs, the lock throws back with a serious of complicated clicks, I'm in.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

personal statement 2

A laywer when I was younger was someone I knew was there, but never dealt with in any capacity. When I was thinking about careers it was very narrow, I knew that almost anything I went to college for I would have to leave my hometown to practice, the options were daunting, finally I used the things that I enjoyed or were good at to come up with a couple options, art or math/computer programming. During my studies further options continued to come to light, I began having difficulty focusing on my degree, there was something missing from my field. At that point I began looking into other programs, engineering, architecture, interior design, business, and intellectual property law. When school was just beginning I began to push the humanities program to offer a class in contracts, as art professionals many of us would needs this information, the class began to engage me in a deeply intellectual way something that was missing from my current studies. The farther I got in college the more I thought that my current studies may not be fore me, despite this fact I continued to pursue my degree being only two semesters from my BFA. What you do in college is not always a clear representation of what you may be doing in the professional environment, While I still hold this to be true, the professionals environment satisfied me even less than school did. I feel like what I'm doing just simply is not enough, There is a huge world outside these doors, I should be doing something to effect it in a profound way, I believe being a lawyer gives me an opportunity to do just that, also to sate my need for challenge.

Personal Statment 1.

if you all weren't aware before this I'm trying to write a personal statement for law school. It is a very daunting task.. exactly how am I supposed to tell anyone how I'm special how I'm interesting how I am sure. but most of all how can I do this without sounding stuffed? I need to imagine the people reading it need to be amused.. maybe write a story, I'm talking to an older, more serious professionals audience now.. what do they want to hear? Maybe I should tell lawyer jokes :D or not.

Alright I'm off to work

L.

Where does time go..

That's what I'm thinking about but.. instead I'm going to tell you a story about my story.

person A needs a project done..
person A gives project to person B
person B gives the project to person C
person C gives the project to person D and assigns project to person E

person D makes folder and gives it to person E

person E does project turns it in to person D

person E does corrections and gives it back to person D

person D gives project to person C who asks person E to send her a pdf.

person E sends person C a pdf.

person C sends it to person A

person A sends corrections to person C

person C sends corrections to person A

person C gives folder to person D

person D gives folder to person E

person E makes corrections gives folder to person D

sends pdf to person C

person C sends pdf to person A

person C then asks person A to call person E

person A calls person E.

person C asks person D to give folder back to person E

person E does corrections sends back in form of pdf to person C and turns folder into person D

person C sends pdf to person A

person C tells person A to call person E

person D gives folder back to person E

person A tells corrections to person E

person E does corrections and sends pdf to person C and gives folder back to person D

person A approves project

person D makes corrections gives folder back to person E

person E makes corrections and gives folder back to person D

person C calls person F to approve project

person F approves project

Person C tells person E to upload project

person E uploads project and sends jpeg to person D and person C

project is completed :D woot!!

the world

I talked to someone today that was celebrating their ??* (was sworn to secrecy) (*high number) wedding anniversary. They said something that resonated with me, I asked if they were going to celebrate their anniversary and they said we celebrate every day. That thought is wonderful, celebrating your life together every day. That's the best way to go really, doing something nice for everyone anytime you can afford it. Restore someones faith in humanity do something downright fucking inconvenient. Smile at the people jaywalking, don't honk the horn, assume a positive attitude to the bastards cutting you off.
I guess what I'm trying to say is do not give up hope.

Losing the world war

My world is being thrown back the way it was it questions my ability to work here, it makes me sad, crazy a little bit, the thing is they want to make sure I'm doing the work, which is alright I guess but when it comes down to it, I'm not doing the work. I'm doing something else. Isn't that what most people do? It bothers me their persistence on watching me, all it does is make me find a better way to cheat. I'll set up a mirror, a security system, or better yet, I'll take a screen capture of me working and put it was my background and use expose... hell I'll make a video of me working and play it while I space off and draw. They can't force me to do nothing, I just simply won't do it, they also can't watch me, they can't fight guerrilla warfare, but I can. I'm very obviously not meant for this job. I know it hasn't been very long but I'm just about ready to move on, I mourn my loss of joy at work. I liked it so much once, where did it go. I guess my initial feelings about this job were correct I just don't like it, I need to start hauling ass on getting something different to happen. I remember once about 3 years ago I used to have this incredible joy in life, that everybody else would catch, now I am missing this thing, it was removed at some point during my sleep, leaving me with a painful scar, and the memory of something great, and the sad certainty that as hard as a try to replace it, that particular thing is forever gone.

I am a robot

I awake to a beeping the flashing of LEDs My joints creak as a drag myself out of hibernation, I awake, drag myself to the sink, spit rust on the enamel, the faint squeak of metal, the hum of electricity though my finger, the toaster glows red. illuminating the "skin" that cover the mechanical nature of my body. pumping liquid into my body Squish whomp, Squish, to me it feels audible but it must not be. I drag my self to my tasks, it's the beginning, time to go to work. What makes them think that robots are so much more suitable?

life as we know it..

I am constantly seeing people argue for atrocities, let me say this, yes atrocities may be a necessities but wouldn't you prefer it if they were illegal?

I find myself at a loss for words, my project for next week however, is evil, a truly innocent act of war. I am tired of having to look over my shoulder constantly so I am going to restructure my area, of course the big man wants me to leave my desk the way it is so I can be easily watched, I however have better ideas. if I pretend to be oblivious to this fact and make my space I want it, and then how will they watch me? well maybe through the network or maybe they will try to peak over the walls, but either way I feel I will strike a victory against the mindset, I feel geniuenly disrespected to have my back to the freaking hallway, so it's going to have to go, in fact all it does is make me constantly waste time by looking behind me, if they truly do not like the amount the I work or the way that I work they can fucking fire me, but let me be comfortable working here, if I am going to continue. I am getting fucking whiplash constantly looking over my shoulder. so, it's going to be time soon, Bwahahahahahaha!!!!

a plan in motion, to be set in motion.

I thought I had something to write about

when I ask is a plan truly set into motion, when you think of it, when the planning starts, when the first action towards that goal is taken, when you learn facts about the plan but haven't though about taking action yet?

just a thought.

Bemoan my Comments

The most brilliant epiphanies of life are only momentary. You look at some past moment when you had it all figured out most of the time you were so wrong. Isn't that the way it works things are far to complicated to ever actually figure out, you are only aloud to get such a grasp on them that you think you may understand. I once created a list of lets say rules to successfully live life by. This rule would minimize stupid mistakes, beckon success.

Problem is I can't remember the, I'm pretty sure they were brilliant though, I remember a couple of them.

1. always strive to be as happy as possible
2. don't do things you know you will regret
3. don't regret the things you do
4. Figure out what you want and make it happen.

I'm pretty sure there were at least 7-8 I guess those are the ones that stuck with me. I guess some things do continue to be useful. Look towards the future, if what your doing now won't effect it, figure out what will. You don't want to constantly live in the moment, it just doesn't get you anywhere. Eventually you wake up and wonder where all the time went. I can tell you a couple places

television, internet, commuting.

I will not an extremist and say don't ever watch tv or use the internet, I would just be conscious about why you are doing it and what you could be doing with that time. 1 hour a day, you could learn to dance, martial arts, fix computer, programming, learn a foreign language, fix your car, paint your house, sew, do your laundry, cook a delicious dinner, or decorate. You could live. but instead, instead you zone, you seek entertainment, you accomplish nothing, you learn nothing, you must de-stress yourself, and lets face it people, we're wimps, there just isn't that much to be stressed about. In fact the only reason we think we are stressed is our obsessive focus on relaxation. So set down the remote and find something bloody useful to do, you never know when it might come in handy.

End bemoaning 0 comments.

those perfect moments

Which are represented by rather obscure but still fun things. Overall you don't get to many moments in life which are completely perfect, in every way. Flawless timing to the millisecond, the perfect look, emotion or apple pie. I got one today, It's generally pretty chilly when I leave the house in the morning, my windows take like 10 minutes to defrost and defog, The sun was out I saw in up ahead on the freeway so I grabbed my glasses out of the glove box, they of course we also covered in mist, so I dropped them in front of my on the dashboard and turned the defroster to high, I watched them and laughed that I was actually defrosting my sunglasses, then right as they got defogged I picked them up and put them on, they hit my nose the exact second the sun struck my face, It may seem unpractical or ever over-analytical that I would be so obsessed with sunglasses, but it was clearly one of those special moments where everything comes together with fabulous viscosity at the precise time. I will keep my perfect moment thank you very much.

Upon my return to earth

I find myself disillusioned by the feeling of pavement, it's hard to accept the bondages of responsible life after a weekend of flying, Sliding the manacle back on your own wrist over scars indicated years of bondage, accepting the world on your back, knowing it could be removed if only you finally decided to let go of it. Clutching at the ropes, trying yourself up into work, stress, sickness. Breathing deeply to readjust yourself to smog, scanning the skylines making friends with your jail, your dependency, your drug. Knowing the span of time so thick it obscures the single opportunity, and yet you do not give up. Freedom one Weekend at a time.

To the unexpected

The amazing ability to let go of those things that don't matter, things that do matter, the rest of your life, to get away, to participate in things that wouldn't normally happen. Normally you would be brushing ice of your blankets, normally you wouldn't stack wood, normally you wouldn't hand press cider, normally you wouldn't light things on fire, Normally you wouldn't get drunk in public, normally you keep to yourself, normally you don't greet everyone with a smile, normally you don't have a theme song to accompany you. normally you don't eat icecream at 4:30 when your camping and it's freezing outside. Normally you don't stop around a fire to sing Pink Floyd. Normally you worry, normally you obsess, normally you can't stop. Normally you aren't as much of you as you'd like to be or is that me I'm talking about.

Thank you everyone for the unexpected, don't let it escape.

And so

here we all are, leaving from this world entering into the next unknowingly with varying degrees of noise, Emotionally dry, used up from this world, we travel sideways into an alternate dimension, unfortunately we don't know anything is different, with our minds we twist the new world into a replica of the previous assuming gravity, physics, genetics, creating assumptions that never before existed. The new world merges seamlessly with our own, we dismiss any untoward occurrences as conspiracy theories. After all Everything is the same as it was in the last world, how is our subconscious supposed to notify us of these changes. Knowledge burning holes in the possibilities of the future. . Everything is how you make it, The New world is our old world. Earth in 176-D.

ooh ya
Barter Faire :) woot!

to 4 point harnesses.

The only thing I really want in my car at this point is a racing seat with a 4 point harness. I could install them, but I kinda need new seats to that then I will have to take out my seats take off the hardware, install new hardware, install new seats, I'm looking at like 600-800 dollars for a pair which hurts, plus the trouble of installing it however, if I did that I wouldn't have to worry about crashing as much. but on the other hand I would have to worry about people stealing my car more, but that would be the only thing worth anything in that whole car, it does sound pretty stupid to, Performance racing seats. Geo Metro. Ya but I don't think that's going to stop be, I don't know why all cars aren't sold standard with 4 point harness's. They are safer and everybody knows it, instead they install airbags and strange safety panels. I say give me your 4 point harnesses. Damn this is clearly the most boring blog I've ever written. ooh well, maybe just maybe airbags are a corporate scheme to make more money for nothing, the oil companies are probably in on it too, I figure it makes your car heavier, with airbags and then you have to buy more gas and while your at it, the car manufacturers, can hoist off bigger huge SUV's and such to poor hapless consumers that don't know any better, and oil companies can make more money. Tada! evil corporation tri-fecta now in play. I don't know, I think I'll just mod my car, put in my racing seats/4-point harness, and call it good.

exhausting

They've done it, I'm finished, exhausted, drained, it's over. yesterday was such a long day, wake up at 7:30, grab breakfast, lunch exc. Crash my car, wait for officers, get ticket, call work, eat chocolate torte, look on craigslist, search newspaper, bus to shoreline, walk 2 miles, look at car, go to bank, purchase car, go to licensing place, relicense, tell parents, tell family, go home, read book, eat dinner, watch movie, finish book, go to bed. adrenalin lots and lots of it, disappointment, now a little touch of pain. <-- sleepy time.

still got 2 hours of work today, don't know if I'm going to make it, need nap. supposed to go to my brothers house but I kind of want to cancel, because I'm so damn exhausted. ooh ya, and I'm sick and miserable, forgot that part.

Beautiful fucking days, wouldn't you say, now I'm walking on eggshells, driving the freeway, hoping the Russian roulette I play on the road will never finish me.

Uppers and Downers

First off, beautiful lightning storm, to bad it rains afterwards. Sigh, it's annoying doing work for no good reason, I realize that I am working under someone else's employ in a job that pays by hour but it kinda ruins it when you haul ass to get something done only to have a meeting 9.3/4 days later and have them tell you most of the stuff you did, they don't want. There are many fundamental problems with this first the fact that you had to haul ass, second that they ignore your work for more than a week, and then tell you in a 20 minute long meeting that there was no point in you doing all of that because they want something different, why might you ask did you spend the 10 hours on it in the first place? well the obvious answer it's your time they are wasting, but their money. It doesn't really matter what they ask you to do, you should do so happilyish. Because they are paying you to do your job description whether it's a waste of money/time or not. But it Drives Me Crazy!. It's such a bloody waste of time.

I haven't figured it out yet..

So I was thinking about all the happiness a little bit of sunshine can infuse in the world, smiling at the beginning of the day. Sharing your happiness with other people through a smile, being lame and making people laugh at you. :D alright, I lost my train of thoughts, Car woot!, hopefully todays new improved car will check out ok.

Leah.

p.s. Moons stars and fairy dust.

I find myself

Sad, I have to decide if I want to take the tests over, lsats again, based on my GPA which is not shabby, 3.5 I can get into I'd say 75% of the schools out there, however, is that good enough for me, I want to try again, work for it more, put more into it, how much does it matter to me, how much will it cost me in terms of time, money, and fun, but also how much is it going to cost me in education, money, career if I don't. I'm confused, what's more important to me, I also tried all through school to do every assignment on time, and well. and still 3.5 it digs into my soul it effects my future, it was the absolute most and best I could do, but still perfection, the next number it eludes me. I guess I need to try again, I guess I need to keep trying until I am done, until it's done, is it still worth doing if I don't get into my top ten, or top five? How much time do I need to put into this, a better score, is this even what I want, is this what is most important to me? is it?

The Horn

I was thinking the other day on my way to work. what if they didn't invent the horn for your car, how would you make noise at people then, I imagine a person leaving out there window with some chimes *Tinkle* plink*,, or maybe a xylophone, either that or we would all have large gongs mounted above the side mirrors you just reach over with your hammer and GONG!

clearly the horn is the most boring alternative, tsk, soon I will have my very own toy piano/harmonica/whistle installed in my car.

I could create a revolution, or better yet, we could all download short some snippets to replace the normal horn noise. So I could play the first 3 seconds of Linkin Park, The Verve, or other popular music, Maybe you could cycle through when you first get in the car.

Leah's Institute of BAD(bad atrocious & detrimental) Ideas

Futuristic

I find myself constantly obsessing about the future, getting a better job, going back to school, taking tests, buying houses, new cars, working hard, and celebrating. I can't help it looms in front of my a great specter of doom. Every time I achieve a goal, I not satisfied with it, I work towards it with a scary single mindedness I accomplish it I am dissatisfied, I already created a new goal, I've already discovered a new path, I can't calm down and accept the place that I am, There is no now, there is only this weekend, tomorrow, next month, 5 years, why the hell can't I accept today. Why can't I rent movies, or play video games, well becuase I have created a list of things 1000's long that I feel I must take care of first, I just can't stop. Are you happy? My reply is always with what? There are many things I am happy with, I'm proud of, but always conditional modifiers. I just feel trapped if I'm in a situation I can't improve, and I work relentlessly towards improving it. Why can't I just be satisfied, do things that are fun because I like doing them instead of doing them to cope with eliminating more things on my list, feeling guilty at the end of the day becuase all I did was work 8 hours, go grocery shopping make dinner, think about law school, read 200 pages in a novel, and go to sleep. Why can't I be satisfied, What's wrong with doing that?

Showers...

Alright, lets assume you took a shower today, in fact, lets assume you take a shower everyday, did you know you are wracking up showers like no other.. three hundred sixty five showers a year, 365 that's one thousand ninety five every three years. and in the next fifteen years you will take five thousand four hundred seventy five showers. lets assume you are on average 20-25 years, in the rest of your life you will take sixteen thousand four hundred twenty five showers*. (average lifespan of 65-70)

16000
400
25

showers.
1 down
16000
100
60
to go..
got to take into account you've already taken
265 this year.

you may end up with a couple extra showers at the end of the stated forty five years as I did not calculate with leap year feel free to use up these showers whenever the whim takes you. Also please keep in mind these showers do not expire and can be used anytime.

I am sleepy

I always figured, people in beds or on couches are like black holes. A person comes in to the room and sees you in a state of warm comfy-ness. You try to resist as long as possible, act energetic run around the house, but finally you flop down on a chair, and take of your shoes.
sigh

Are you sure you don't want to do anything?

MmmM?

Alright fine. So you Flop on the couch, twist around for a bit only to be devoured by a blanket, Soon your warm and comfortable and cuddled. Then you are the one saying "Mmm" Yaaaawn!

Beds are even worse, you lean over the bed to pick something from the headboard, the Blankets attack you, you attempt to fend them off. It's a hopeless cause, they have you, your sinking in, before you know it your chin deep in blankets struggling only sending you deeper, theres also a mysterious pillow under you head, how it got there, your not sure. in the process you lost your shirt, and your socks are somewhere down there but you sure in hell aren't going to try and get them, you have what seems to be an eight armed parasite clinging to you, wrapped around impossible to pry off, giving up hope you turn over cuddle up and wiggle into comfortability soon, you become one with the blanket, as it absorbs you like a venus fly trap. Ahhh unconsciousness.

publicly conditioned

we are all publicly conditioned one way or another, and by that I mean we are taught by the people around us to act or react in certain specific ways to certain specific actions or words. We constantly have to fight against the conditioning, those replies may not actually be what we believe or think, we suddenly find ourselves saying things that go entirely against what we believe. These things are right below the surface bubbling, waiting on a hair trigger. Some of them are age specific, gender specific, race, culture all of these things are used to split us into groups, create enemies of each other. Sometimes it doesn't even matter if we notice, sometimes nothing can be done. Respect surely we use this word to process most insults most of the time our feelings are hurt or we do something stupid this is the thing we stand up for beyond all else. We must feel respect. But for something we find a necessity in life, what exactly is it? define it. No don't go look it up, what does it actually mean. nail it down, can you? really? right at this very second. I don't know if I can, I would say respect for a person is adhering to their personal boundaries, even if they differ from your own. Respect is also listening and processing what someone says, allowing them to be important. Loss of respect directly relates to loss of importance with a person. That's the best I can do, what does the dictionary say?? dictionary.com says there are 16 different meanings for respect, I'll go with the ones that seem to be the closest to what I'm speaking about.

3.esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgment.

4. deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.

5.the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held in respect.

11.to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with: to respect a person's privacy.

So basically what it comes to is us as people deriving personal satisfaction out of getting respect. We in general base our entire opinion on ourselves based on what others think, especially the people we are close to. To lose out on someones respect makes us unhappy, and unsatisfied with ourselves. There are many ways people use to cope with that. most commonly

1. Trying to force people to respect you, based on violence, yelling or threats.

2. Building up peoples respect for you through convincing people, others deserve less respect.

3. Striving to be the absolute best, engaging in competition for a position of respect, being the best at something to gain the respect you believe you need.

In advertising campaigns against booze, drugs and sex it's frequently used as a reason not to engage in such activities "I respect myself for much"

So we are all put on hair triggers trying to defend this thing that we aren't really even sure what is, or why it matters. Most argument instantly derail into semantic discusions of whether or not someone meant what they said said what they meant or you took it some other way intirely, most arguments are carried on through cliché phrases, and over dramatization when all arguments come down to one point, somebody got their feelings hurt. If you can get right down to this as the first point, most of the time when people get mad it's because someone did something that would hurt them in one way or another, most of the time not realizing th result, but instead of saying "you hurt my feelings by saying x" you say "fcuking Ashsole" becuase that's your conditioned response your not sure why your so upset but you think it has something to do with them disrespecting you in some way or another. so instead of thinking through your response or your feelings for the action or sentence that sets you off you freak out, irrationally, responding with a cliché, they are also programmed to respond like that, so they spout a cliché also not thinking through the actual problem, it then escalates, you both end up talking about how the other person never does anything for you and soon, you both stalk off. Later you realize what the real problem was if you actually think about it otherwise you steam in the injustice of it all, while the other person wonders what the hell set you off in the first place, and steams in the injustice of it all. Finally when you both calm the fcuk down you realize there really wasn't anything wrong in the first place and the whole thing was a huge miscommunication and move on. All of these steps could be avoided in the first place if people realized the conditioning and stopped to think about what they were saying and why.

Beware doing so may cause you to break out in bouts of rationality. Side-effects may include uncomfortable doses of reality, headaches (from all that thinking) and nausea (when you realize how fcuked up everyone is)

Love Leah.

Irrationality

For some strange reason I'm compelled to be completely irrational, I'm not sure what it is but it makes me feel stupid when I'm truthful about it, the problem is really when people know if your lying or not. I can lie brilliantly to most people when I know I'm feeling irrational or bitchy. I lie to them, something happens, the mood changes, it's over. The ones that know the truth though make it harder, they want to know why you feel like that. They rationality for the irrational, the moment sticks, both sides are upset, resulting in more irrationality, regret, annoyance, the knowledge that I have been irrational, unfair, illogical. It hurts, throbbing in my head. I'm annoyed at myself, I don't want to admit my irrationality, they don't want to get lied to. I want to apologize, because I've been an ass. They don't want to hear it and just want me to knock it the fuck off. I am embarrassed by my humanity. I feel like I've lost control of myself, I haven't taken my medication today, I forgot the other day too. I wonder, is that why I'm so upset, is that why I'm so tired and hungry? It could be, that is what happens when my dosage is to low. I hate the uncertainty of it, there is no limited time guarantee. It could be that but either way I need to take control of myself, act the way I would want to act. Be the person that I would want to be. That is important to me. I want to succeed fabulously at everything I set out to do. One of the things I've set out to do is to be a not-bitch.

I fail regularly.

lost something

I pause at a point somewhere I believe to be over the page, I let my pen drop leaving a blotch where the ink leaked out into the page obscuring the letters, it's ok I didn't really like what it said anyways, I scratch that part out, but don't start over, my eyes skim the letters, forming words, sentences, but it's like watching the dashes on the road, or trees when you drive by, they all start looking exactly the same. letter words and meanings they all express typical emotions. no-one can think of anything unique to say, and I guess neither can I, which is why the letters frustrate me so, I'll stick with ink blots from now on, they look like bats.

Bat-Leah

Consideration

Me 1, "I think I should get this one", 2 "I don't agree with you at all.. that clearly isn't the best choice you can find something better", 3 "Hey be nice how would you know, you haven't found anything that good", 2 "What if I right, who is 1 to say they know what's best for us" 4 "who are you to say what's not best for us", 5 "lets go kill something" 6. "all you guyz are dumb, you shouldn't be getting anything" 1 "we should get the one that I picked out already" 2 "you don't get to pick stuff out, it could be a total failure" 1 "I do good" 3. "maybe we should go home and think this through" 4, "no I agree with number one" 6 " you would" 5 "we could steal a car" 1 "seriously I'm think this one is best" 2 "fine fuck up the rest of your life, clearly not a good idea" 3 "you should do it, don't let yourself be bullied by number 2" 7 "well what about that one" 6 "I like that one better" 8 "fine whatever lets get it and go" 6 "you suck at making decisions" 1 "ya I know"

"will that be all"
1 "yes thank you"
"would you like a bag"
6 "no thank you"
7 "are you sure we don't want one"
8 "no we're fine shutup"
2 "the other one was better
1 "now you agree with me"

"have a nice day"

<-- booty of the day, hair scrunchies

the dentist

Always waking up with a mouthful of blood, spitting in the sink, aching body, been out at night without me again, leaving a train of red, with so many coats it shines, shimmers, glitters, blood mixed with spit pulling it down the street. I wash out the metal, but it still leaks into my mouth from my gums, I miss the flavor after covering it with minty paste, I can't hide myself much longer, it may be time to leave, letting myself slide down the drain. I spend the rest of the day, swallowing it, where does it all come from, this red liquid we call blood, it clots between my teeth, I pop a ticktack, hoping I don't breathe death on anyone, I'm tired no rest, I know I'll be up again with a mouthful of blood.

tar

it sticks to your shoes like melted asphalt, leaving a permanent spot of black on your soul. A spot that sticks, but doesn't spread like the blood on your shoe, across your hands, vindication accomplished. vengeance, maybe you should have tried calling 911, but what about your soul, where would it be then, would it still have that inexorable blackness, hiding beneath that beautiful smile forever, nobody knows, but now you are someone that killed someone. Guilty would wonder if they know, you feel like they can see through you. But you don't feel bad at all, the feeling passes, you laugh expelling the tar, bits of darkness flaking off your shoes, leaving them on the street, laces stretched across the telephone wires, a warning to those who would come next, bloody shoes. you move off, jump the fence and are back at the beginning of the night, a day away. You can't escape the spots, they burn away leaving you with a love for stripes.

Moral of this story, vigilante stripes.

Leah

A room full of blood/orange juice

I like actually being able to get into work, sometimes I will just start working become obsorbed, stop thinking, stop hearing, just work, people could be buzzing be me on a busy street, nothing penetrates, then suddenly, a return to the real world, where we realize, that has all happened in a split second, nobody realized you were gone at all. You on the other hand have been away for what seems like a century, dust piled up around you. it's probably best that you weren't gone for so long, becuase then surely you tires would be flat and your gasoline would be stale, and you would be a skeleton, which would invariably be donated to an art school so later in reincarnation you could draw yourself.

Love,

The skeleton in the closet

Soccer: the key to a good offensive line(edit how to shoot)

Now keep in mind the experience I've had with forwards is much more limited than the experience I've had with defenders. but forwards mimic the defensive line in many ways, much of being a forward you can figure out by reading about what good defenders watch for, good forwards are the ones that are already there. To get a shot off, or a goal is really what your looking for you have to break the defensive line in some way. forwards need to be quick, excellent ball handlers, precise aim, and a strong shot or cross. <-- I am very sleepy so if my words aren't in the correct order, bear with me >

You know forget this, instead I'm going to tell you how to take a good shot, penalty shots, and practice. Do no practice by lining up at the top of the box and taking shots with stationary balls, you will never do this in a game so don't bother. Fine someone to either pass it up to you, or start farther back dribble it forward to the outside of the penalty box and take your shot. Do not toe punt*, Do not kick high. The most successful shots are between the knee and chest, on the left or right side of the goal, shots can be shot slightly higher the farther towards the edges your shoot. generally if you shoot high, you get carried away and the ball far excedes the outer edges of the goal, it's much better to shoot tighter, many time if you shoot lower the goalie will not gain control of the ball and it will bounce back into the box, which is far preferable to allowing the other team to get a goal kick.

(to kick the ball with the very tip of the shoe, the correct way to kick with which your toe pointed towards the ground so you get the ball with your laces.)


When taking a penalty shot you should always make up your mind whether you will go right or left while you are looking at the ground, then look up, look at the goalie, look to the one side, then the other taking exactly the same amount of time on each. If possible you want to be directly behind the ball, this will make it difficult for the goalie to determine which foot you are using and thus have a harder time deriving which side you are going to shoot too. When the whistle is blown, keep your eyes on the ball, you already know where you are going to kick it, Optimally you will aim for a spot between the back and front post about waist height, that shot, is almost garunteed to go in. you must keep your body from making an arc backwards, if you look up to far or your body weight tilts back the ball will go to high. you need to keep your weight balanced, far enough to the front that the ball stays at a consistent height.

May of these tips go for any time you are shooting, some of them are penalty kick specific, penalty kicks are pretty much the only shot that you will be taking stationary, practice them with or without a goalie, in the end you will need to at least have someone standing in the box.

there are exceptionally important things to practice as a forward, finishing, and turn and shoot.
finishing, is taking a ball that may have been deflected that is in the penalty box, you have one touch to put the ball in the goal, before the keeper or defenders get to it, a common mistake is to hit it as hard as you can, mentally you are treating it like a clear ball, It goes over. You lose. You have to think of it as a pass, keep it on low, steady, controlled, pass it into the goal.

Second turn and shoot, this is where you are faced away from the goal, there are no defenders behind you, if you were turned the other way you'd have a clear shot at goal, you have to train yourself to turn on a dime and one touch to the goal, you can do this by yourself. get a ball, turn you back to the goal, put your foot on top of the ball, turn and shoot, this will mean you need to change the balls position to put it in front you going to opposite direction, but close enough you can take your shot first touch, this is an absolute necessity, you will need this.

*One touch take a shot or make a pass with the first contact you have with the ball.

when practicing to take shots in general you really need another person to practice with you, they should cross it in for you, practice that alot, crosses are a fantastic way to put yourself in an unexpected position, next you will want to have them pass it in front of you at the top of the penalty box, as your running, and one touch* it, finally have them pass it to you from the goal post, to outside the box where you will one touch it. After practicing one touches like this for awhile switch to 3-4 touches and practice all the passes like this. Remember there will be people in your way, and other teammates to pass it to but doing these types drills will improve your ability as a forward immensely. When you are practicing try to keep your weight balanced and aim well, do not shoot over the goal, the best kick you can do is a hard shot between knee and head shoulder level, try for this when practicing.

if your shots go over you need leave farther forward when you shoot, this is keep you from pull the ball so far into the air.

If you are a wing (left or right forward) you will need to practice putting the ball in between the goal box and the penalty box, it will need to be in the air to begin with but should either drop to the ground or be head level by the time it passes the opposite post. this is an instance you will need to lean back a little bit to get the height you need.

one more thing to practice as a forward, get your dribbling up to speed, if you make a break-away you need to be able to run as fast as possible and maintain control of the ball, this means, practice sprinting and dribbling, this can be a task. The key is to keep the ball close enough to you that the goalie can't run up but far enough ahead you don't have to touch it to many time as doing so slows you down. To practice this you will need a goalie/friend to just run up on you, if they see an opportunity.

ok done. Enjoy.

Leah

forgetme?nots

It's not fair she was heard saying before she died, a bystander said that she was mumbling many things, sentences that made no sense but she said they were important. Nobody present remembers what exactly what was said. It could have been, a bank account in san juan or maybe she was carrying a winning lotto number in her purse. Maybe what she had to say would change the world but it was just never remembered it was like a dream to those people that were there, a dark dream, with blood red streets. you never can seem to remember whats important.

Soccer: the key to a good defensive line

For starters, you must decide the layout of the field
defense, midfield, forward
4, 3, 3
4, 4, 2
3, 3, 4,
3, 4, 3,

I've never met a team brave enough to go

2, 4, 4,

so as it stands you will have either
1. left, center front center, right
2. left, center, right
3. far left, left, right, far right

each set up is treated uniquely,

number on for instance leave 4 people on the back line a sweeper, stopper, and two outside defenders, the sweeper and stopper play apx, 15 feet away from each other the stopper directly in front of the sweeper. the stoppers job is to support the outside defenders, the outside defenders job is to slow the ball down as much as possible, keeping the opponent from making a run down the side and crossing the ball,

The stopper should be about 4 feet away on the goal side of the outer defender if the defender is challenging* someone on the line. The other outer defender should pull in to the far side of the penalty box's circle the stopper should go to the near side of the penalty boxes' circle this puts the defenders in optimal positions to gain control of a cross or block the player if they evade both defenders.

*challenging getting in between an oncoming playing and where their going attemption to make them lose possesion of the ball.

If the ball is coming up the center, the outer defenders should come in slightly to the outer edges of the penalty of box, until the opposing forward begins to approach the box, if the forward got past both the sweeper and the stopper the to outer defenders must come in, the midfields should at that point come back and cover the outsides, and the sweeper attempts to catch up runing to the goal, the stopper needs to cover stay 4 feet forward to pick up and attempted drop ball* or failed clears.

*drop ball passing the ball backwards to a playing behind you

the defenders should always be between the goal and the opposing teams forward, unless they are trying to accomplish an offsides trap* If a forward manages to bring it all the way down the line to go for a cross, the outer defender should be between them and the goal, the outer midfield should be watching a potential drop the stopper should be 3-4 feet closer to the goal, the sweeper 5-10 feet behind that, the center mid should cover the top of the circle, the other side mid should cover the opposite corner and the otherside defender should cover close to the back post. (at this point depending on how you are playing the middle and front line either the second center mid or the center forward should come back to part way in between the center line and the penalty box to control any ball that end up on the center).

*If you wish to put an opponent offsides you must pull all the defenders up to be even with the challenge.

On a corner kick, the outer defenders should come into guard the front and back post, the outer midfeilds should be on the outside of the penalty box, the stop and sweep should be directly in front of the goal, the center mid, should be at the top of the box.*

*dependant on position arrangement aka (3, 3, 4, -4, 3, 3,- ect)

the defenders should always clear up and out. dribble the ball to the line and clear up the line, Always attempt a controlled clear so it reaches your own teammates. if you can reach an open* teammate feel free not to clear, but even if your teammate is open in the middle inside the box, DO NOT pass it to them, if you are going to pass it to the middle make sure that they have enough time to control and pass off. the exception to this is, if you are faced the wrong direction and your teammate has enough time to clear the ball and they call for it, drop it to them, and they must kick it first touch.

as a rule you want to create depth with the defence have the person that is challenging the ball in front of everyone else, so if they get past them they have to make it through everyone else, for instance, if the ball is being challanged on the left, you want the left defender to be challenging the stopper to back them up 3-4 feet behind then the sweeper 10 ft behind and finally the right defender 10 feet behind that, they should all be spread out over the feild as well for instance in the order of challenge

forward
right
stopper
sweeper
Left

| goal |

This makes the forward break through four people, plus leaves them all to cut of the cross.
the left defender if in this position can cross the goal in time to challenge the forward once again before he makes it to the goal, at this point the midfield right mid should be crossing in front of the forward between the right defender and the sweeper to place themselves downline, the left mid, should come in behind the left defender and the center mid should place themselves even with the stopper but directly in front the the goal. so the order of challenge would be

forward
right def
right mid or stopper (dependent on whether the player goes downline or towards the goal)
center mid and/or sweeper (dependent on how close to the goal they are)
Left def.
left mid
| goal |

ok, that's all for now, enjoy :)

Leah

(maybe pics next time)

Top Ten #1

top ten letters to make silly noises with

s k l u i o b g p r

(q is also recommended but just didn't make the cut)

Natural disaster

The earth trembles underfoot, then pitches you off your feet, you sit, shocked and scared, very large particles of dust fall from the ceiling illuminated by the window, the lights flicker, darkness, you rush to the window only to see smoke and ash trying to slide in the cracks, feeling buried you wonder about the stairs but you know that your always supposed to stand in a doorway, it's structural integrity will save you from the rushing waves, you see, the island fell into the ocean, now the world is going to drown from the hundred foot waves caused by the resulting hurricane. sandstorms start in the garbage can and twirl around the room, until the dust is gone, leaving only a tornado, which escapes through the doorway so much for it saving you, it is beginning to pull up houses and it blows away from the tropical storm, which is raining frogs down, that it found in a nearby pond. you peak your head out, in the eye of the storms, it attempts to dislodge you with saline, when you arbitrarily decide to stay indoors meteors begin to puncture the roof, luckily they fizzle out if the flash flood that is where the basement used to be. baseball sized hail comes in through the holes your ceiling now contains, which is fine because they didn't hit the fridge, It's lunchtime and your hungry, you pull a fishing rod from your closet, the air raid sirens go off, damn, your bomb shelters have been destroyed, hoping your luck will hold you manage to pull in 2 salmon and a piranha. You feed your cat to the piranha's and fire up the grill. if the power was on you'd know the reason it wasn't. Godzilla, attacked the power plants causing a explosion of enormous magnitude. your house at this point is sliding down a mountain but you don't really notice because your trying not to burn the fish. unfortunately you end up on the freeway causing a 15 car pile-up before getting struck by lighting, but it's ok because it didn't burn the salmon. Which is now done, and delicious. a small group of humans stampede by, crushing the unlucky daisy's underneath their feet. half the city is burning down, but your grill fire was put out by the dark cloud over your head which covered for a cloud of locusts, your fine with it you already cooked the fish. a large vacuum implosion breaks all the windows simultaneously, it's sad because they lasted through the hail alright now they will have to be replaced and you don't think the insurance will cover it if damage exceeds the deductible. It's just another day in a post apocalyptic world, the sun already imploded, fortunately it won't actually affect earth for another 8.3168708 minutes you know apx . I have a feeling I won't be so lucky then.

That which shall not be named

I hate the herd aspect to people, how dependent they are for everyone else to tell them what they can and cannot do, I call bullshit, if you are willing to accept the consequences you can literally do anything you can physically do. Shoot someone, eat an entire chocolate cake, go to the bathroom without a hall pass, take a vacation even if the boss says no. Maybe I just don't care about work enough I never have, I've always said, if I can't go I'll leave. If they let me they have earned the right to ask me not to later, that's right ask me not the other way around, I don't have to pay my speeding ticket either, I can tell a teacher just where they can stuff it, but I must accept the results of my actions without complaint, getting fired, kicked out, so don't tell me I can't. I'll do any damn this I please, tell me it's going to suck, but I can walk away, determination, vindication, whatever you need to call it, draw your line, never let anyone cross it. I refuse to believe my job matters or my boss has power over me, all the have power over is my next paycheck thats right the one that I haven't earned yet. It is a matter of respect, I'm a person I can make my choices how ever I choose. good luck with your power trip. Have fun replacing me. people are so afraid, hahahaha live in fear mother fuckers. I die free.

Soccer

Rushing through the night, rubber gravel littering the ground, its so thick out, the liquid condensates in my lungs. my throat tightens, air enters and exits by mental force alone, my hair absorbs salt water, wet to my fingers as I brush it from my neck, RUN, rubber meets at my feet as I pound across, someone's following faster than I'm going. I try to push an extra burst from my burning legs, my side begins to cinch, I forgot to breath, halted I stretch my lungs dragging in air, again my concentration on oxygen renewed. I begin to move moving my legs unconsciously getting into position waiting for my chance, to try again.

emergency

the overwhelming feeling of darkness in the morning before the sun rises, until you open your eyes and realize it was light all along, deeply entrenched in my false reality, *snap* it finally breaks, it's irreparable, the damage has been done suddenly the sprinkle system comes on I'm drenched with noise BEEP BEEP BEEP >WARNING THIS FACILITY IS BREACHED< BEEP BEEP BEEP, running down the non-existent halls I attempt repairs, entering my password I turn off the alarm, but still have to watch the minutes count down to my imminent doom, I imaged it was preordained but if that is true I ordained it, why must your alarm clock always go off when you set it?

a strange relationship with mornings

I woke up in the dark, sometime that seemed to happen only occasionally, sometimes light sneaks through your optics before you become conscious and you wake up bathed in pale light, most of the time though I wake up with dark, flowing around me, like plunging out of water, heavy it weighs on you, sticking to your skin. you open your eyes brushing the last tendrils of darkness from your skin like a bit of insignificance. Only to take it back up wrap yourself in it once more, sinking with your lungs empty. awakening, escape is inevitable breaking out of your cocoon you spread your wings in the light, waiting for the evaporation of darkness. Free of it's it's burden I flit to the sun my wings melting, light dripping I plunge back into the ocean of dark. bubbles, turning gravity, I extend my body up to the top of the darkness shedding it from me like an unwanted blanket, I walked across the ocean finally bathed in light I forget it's presence and tense with the impact of the ground on my body as I wade through the shallows and embrace the consciousness found on the beach, happy to be alive, yet another journey to wakefulness survived

dolphins

Basking in the beautiful seconds that pass by a clock that just tells time, all the buttons in the world miss the elasticity, mechanically separating the the viscosity of the moments in to sterilized peices easily manipulated by convenience. Everyone running around with nets trying to catch the flickering moments, frantically trying to put of the inevitable a little longer, will time continue when the world ends, flowing over rocks and mountians, across stars, and suns. While the rest of us push buttons hoping time with pass us by, wishing we could accumulate it hold it in a bag, testing the shadows for hidden sunshine, time stretches out, condenses pools, drips. no mere clock, can hope to capture the end of her cloak before she flees their grasping hands slipping between, tick and tock. In the forest she heals extents time allowing merciful space to escape the ever present pieces of time, we continue to painfully seperate from expierence.

under the table

the more time I spend in my cube, the more I really want to just hide under my desk, I'm small nobody would notice, I could curl up behind my computer and muse, until someone called for me. they might see my brown and white pumas sticking out if they came in to find me. I have a very large desk so there is plenty of room of room for a small person like me, If I spend enough time down there I may begin to gradually shrink until I become a carpet person (the people that live in the carpet). Then nobody would ever know I was there, but I'd leave my shoes behind just for confusions sake. the desk would actually help block the air condition system that rains on me all day. like I'm being followed around by a dark cloud. like a cartoon in a childrens' book I would decide not to come out, dr suess characters would try to bribe me, depictions of family would come but to no avail until finally I would get a craving for chocolate cake then it would be over. I'd have to rejoin uncivilized society. For only then will I be satisfied with the amount of chocolate cake. a mayan mountain mmm, cake.!

Vividly

I wake up before the alarm everyday now, something has changed since I've been gone, where did I go, how long was I there who knows. Early morning dark, cloudy sky, dirty laundry, outside there is always commotion as if mocking me for waking up so late, Leah it says I've been up forever. I wonder if that tone woke me. I feel grimy, but comfortable look at my blankets, green and white soft, warm, I turn over turn of my alarm I've been trying to go back to sleep for days, waking dreams invade at night. a book is closer that it I imaged, I read, paying more attention to the passing time than the ink. My feet touch the ground cold, dusty, I tiptoe across the hall, and wash my face twice, I won't have to clean the table much when I get home, I eat a left over cookie, and some melon, dripping down into a plastic bag of juice all that remains of my feast, left on my car seat. I drive and fill the air, with poison rushing through my lungs disguised as space, I finally fall back asleep in my car seeing only a motion blur, grey with white stripes.

Theory of a dead man

Although not my words, very interesting isn't it, if their dead that means they didn't get everything right, so do we pay attention to their theories, or not? after all we do not want to die. So should you take advice from people who make mistakes because they learned from them or from people who haven't made the mistake because they didn't do it in the first place. One errs on the side of foolish judgment and other bitter regret the other side foolish caution and still bitter regret. Is it better to do something and regret it, or not do something and regret that. Is it better to do something irreversible that you could regret forever or not do something because you know their is a possibility for less than a happy ending, how do we judge whether he experience is worth the risk if we never take action, how can we judge if the consequences were worth the action if we refuse to accept responsibility?

Is my theory worth more because I live, or does death lend you more credibility

incredibly alive

or credibly dead?

flickering trees

I recently passed out in the back of someones car, it was relaxing a good way to get from one place to another, not at all like the bus, every once in awhile I would wake up, stare out the window for a bit, at the beginning there were these trees, and the sun was setting, the shadows where all laying down, the trees were flickering by, the shadows retained their position for miles, leaving me to wonder which was more substantial the trees, or the shadows.

quickly loud

The only sound in the entire house.. the ringing of my alarm clock, quickly my hand reaches up to turn it off despite the fact, I am not completely conscious, I sink into my feathers, the ones inside my blankets, and talk myself awake, dim grey in the whole house, barefoot, chilly, I slide into the kitchen, open and close the fridge, get a glass of water from the sink, open and close the fridge again, cold *hss*. my lunch collected, breakfast eaten, I grab my purse, gliding down stairs maintaining the silent fog, the door isn't locked so there is not click to interrupt my revere, WHOOSH!, WRRR, ow, bright, yellowy blinding sun flare, heat, I can feel it through my closed eyes, sunglasses from the top of my head slide over my eyes before I can determine the cause of the sensory assault,
recycling

Sometimes you wake up

Usually it's morning when it happens, a stroke of reality, wham, drifting in from oblivion or worse. Sound, Light, Noise, Cold, Most of the time our bodies know best, what to eat, when to drink, to sleep, breathe and blink, programs kicking in, it's over, you sink away from all of those things realizing at the last minute it's only going to come back when your five minutes are up.
you start remembering who you are, what you do, what day it is, what time it is, urgency tears you from your bed. You don't remember how many times you already been awake enough to temporize it a little longer, but it's over now the battle has been lost, now all to conclude are the terms of surrender, work, breakfast, shower, shoes, clothes, blink, car, freeway,
"Goodmorning Leah",
"Goodmorning",
"Happy Birthday."
"Thanks"

Leah

It's a Bird It's a Plane, It's a BAT(MAN)

13 ways to make animals fly
1. attach balloons
2. cow jumps over moon
3. shoot out of cannon
4. find some that have wings,
5. make paper wings
6. anti-gravity machine
7. send them to space
8. Use a flying trapeze
9. Use helicopter or Airplane
10. fly zeppelin
11. deploy parachute
12. hovercraft
13. insert fingers into pockets, pull back on feet & release

apricots and beer

I have decided to make apricot tarts. Delicious fabulous apricot tarts, with vanilla bean icecream and fresh homeade apricot syrup, that is just desert I imagine it would go great with a pale beer. I love thinking up brilliant dinner plans, I'm really looking forward to my party, Homeade pizza beer, vodka, tart, icecream, all I need is people to eat it all :D ahh people. but most of all tart

Leah

For those of us who believe in the banana

I personally believe in the giant floating banana in the sky, any many other fantastical things that may or may not be true. I like to derive happiness from the silly things in life, the worlds smallest violin, a giant floating banana in the sky, miniature French-fries. Many may see this as immature and in many ways that may be true, I would see being fascinated with the world as a childlike trait that is abolish by adulthood. So I bestow unto you all of the cynicism that you need to deny the floating banana, while I buoying myself with the possibility of it's existence even if for some reason I am the only one that sees a giant floating banana in the sky.

Leah

Greenlight

I have been frantically playing soccer lately multiple time per week, this was sparked from joining a thursday night team while I was in school. Suddenly I wanted to play alot more so I started looking into other teams I hope to be playing at least two night a week but atm I am playing closer to 4 which seems a bit excessive. I however am in much much better shape than I was before. I played center mid the whole game it was great. I must say however that dirt fields are not the most fun this ever. I miss having grass like I did back home. The game is simply much different on grass, better I think, plus it annoys me that alot of the baseball fields are on grass if anything they don't need it and we do, so ya last night we wiped the other team of the face of the earth and I got the run my ass of the whole game it was great, woot soccer! Soon I will be a superstar.

Leah

Peaches

recently I took a small drive which spanned multiple days and destination, Lakes, lawns, ponds, and peaches. It was a beautiful day, all of them, sunshine blue skies 90 degrees, icecream weekend. Most of the time though I spent eating peaches, as many as I wanted, I am not talking about those round fuzzy things you may find in your local supermarket, I'm talking about locally grown, ripe, fresh, juicy peaches, so ripe in fact you can easily peel off the peeling and eat only the inside, leaving an unattached pit in your hand and juice everywhere, it is very easy to become sticky. The taste lingers in your mouth with the stickiness longer than we all know is possible. finally leaving you, sated.

Ahh Peaches

Leah

turtles

I am here to write a small diatribe on the glorious chocolate turtle. While the chocolate turtle is a miracle of modern chocolatery, it has overshadowed the tried and true small green turtle you might find on your lawn. The traditions turtle also object to the callous way in which chocolate turtles are consumed. Shouldn't humans be thanking the turtle gods for providing them with such gooey, sticky, carmel-filled, nut-stuffed morsels. Small crumbs of turtle, yes the chocolate ones would land on the top ten best things in slot three directly below heaven and actual turtles. The chocolate turtles may think they are winning but the small green turtles will strike back with absolutely no alactrity, but with a vicious certanity of victory and no mercy for their chocolate counterparts.

Small Green Turtles FTW

From an Inside View

Well when I say inside I really mean in-house, there is something incredibly frustrating about it all, I wonder now if a firm would have been better or would that still be in-house and I need to go freelance. I am just given a task I do it. I get another one, no feedback, no deeper hidden meaning, no validation, in fact frequently quite the opposite, not what I was looking for. I thrived on talking about my design explaining why it is good, I am good at talking sadly my forum is missing. I can't argue with here do this different, based on nothing but something I randomly make up in my head, no target audience, no area, no meaningful business,
no difference.

Leah

Ahhh Yes A Blog

That is indeed correct everyone I have started my own personal blog, I am a blogger, bloggster, I am blogging. Strange how that works out. My office plants are dying I need to water them soon. In fact I'll attend to that now. For Everyone just begginning, welcome to my tpyo.

Leah